"Ohh! When will I ever learn?!" I cry, despondent, as I find myself drifting once again to the darkest and bounciest depths of Steam. In my previous reviews of the Oppai Academy franchise's tit-tacular titles, I did say that I completed my collection, no? Well, now I have skimmed through the first entry. I am even more disappointed here than I was with the other two!
A word of warning before we begin. This game — and ONLY this game — requires you to go to an external site and download an 18+ patch. If you don't do that, you don't get any of the scenes at all, and the VN lasts about twenty minutes. I can't understand why they'd do this, but it is incredibly annoying and it made me feel like I had been ripped off before I learned about the patch.
Without further ado, though... the review! Whew boy, I hate this game.
As with all this trilogy's games, you play as a nasty and disgusting mega-pervert who literally cannot keep his hands off the other characters for any reason whatsoever. Seriously. I'll be innocently talking to some girl named Lydia Luitgard (is she related to the other Luitgard from Oppai Succubus?), and then I click the "next dialogue" button, and Mr Protagonist Man starts grabbing her gazongas out of nowhere! This isn't just in the spicy parts, either. He just DOES that. It's very annoying and shows that the writers have no idea what they're doing.
Here's another thing that makes Big Bouncy Booby Babes even worse than the sequels: the way they approach each girl's route is completely out of whack. In the other games, every girl has the same number of hearts, representing the number of scenes they have. Here, some have four, some have five, and one has six! It really feels like the devs are playing favorites. What if you get attached to Myau the maid dragon, Catherine the school nurse, or Kaguya the super-traditional Japanese senpai? They've only got four hearts. You're ♥♥♥♥ outta luck!
There are also some baffling decisions made with the menus and scenes. In the sequels, when you click on a girl, you'll get a sub-menu with all the scenes you've unlocked. It'll say, "oh, you're gonna do such-and-such! Have fun!" and then you click on it and the scene starts. And you can go back and play any scene whenever you want, just by going to the girl's sub-menu. Here, there's no sub-menu. You just get what you get, and if it's something you're not into, you have to hold Enter or suck it up. On top of that — and this is REALLY egregious — you can't watch the same scene twice on one save file. Click on the same girl again, and it starts up a completely different scene! And once you get all 4-6 hearts, you can never, ever do her scenes again! Instead, you have to go into the Extras menu, where all the CGs are, and click on "Memories".
And then, once you've seen it all, you'll realize you only made it to "chapter 13", because the developers didn't write enough to fill 14 "chapters", and you get this very clumsy "skip the chapter" button added. It's so stupid that it wraps right back around to being funny, and then back around again to making me want to bash my head into the wall like Manfred von Karma.
I'd complain about other stuff, like the way the artist draws saliva all thick and whitish, or the lack of variety (there are three or four scenes where Protag-kun uses the same weird crystal ball thingy), or the atrocious disregard for anything resembling consent, but if you've read any of my previous Milk Factory reviews, you know what I'm gonna say: Don't buy this game! And, if you MUST go near Oppai Academy, avoid this one in particular. It's much rougher than the two sequels.
