Right, so apparently I'm one of the few people who grew up with the original Battletoads AND actually loves this reboot. This is what you put on for the kids before introducing the proper stuff. Then they announce the reboot was better, and you have to sit them down for the talk - the one where you explain that you love them, but you're deeply, deeply disappointed.
The way I see it, we could've had two things. Option A: a limp attempt to recreate what the original had - no real dialogue, endless combat that's the same punch, kick, punch, kick, over and over like a stress dream, and an even limper attempt at humour. Or Option B: something a bit more its own thing. Nice graphics, a decent variety of combat moves that's fun enough to watch, a handful of mini-games like the first one had, real voice acting where you can tell the money went somewhere, and - imagine this - a game where the developers were at least trying. For the fans. Fair enough.
Now, I played Battletoads on the NES and the GameBoy. Not because I'm old. Because Battletoads is a good game, and I have taste. Yes, sometimes it's a bit hectic, especially with several Toads on screen when you lose track of which amphibian is yours, but that only slightly dents the fun. The humour mostly works, the animation is genuinely good, and the special attack ideas are fairly creative. There's a fair bit to discover, and the long beat-'em-up stages are broken up with mini-games so your thumbs get a little holiday. You fight left to right, not too close, and the "Normal" difficulty is tough but not annoying. And if that's somehow not enough punishment for you, you can bump it up to "Battletoads" mode, which I assume is what they show prisoners. Oh, and there's a bike level, obviously, because someone at the studio wanted your blood pressure to have a moment.
Here's the thing though - it's a "sequel" to a game that's over 25 years old, and I get the sense it's less a sequel and more a loving parody of the original. The visuals and the tone reminded me of old Cartoon Network stuff, the cartoons I rotted my brain with as a kid. And I was completely won over by the look of it, especially those animations. The story and the endless cutscenes? Less so. The tone never quite grows up, and some of the jokes just sort of... land near you, rather than on you.
Everything's voiced, the soundtrack is wall-to-wall heavy metal, which I liked, and the gameplay's solid, if a bit static. Your attacks don't really evolve; you finish the game swinging the same limbs you started with. But it papers over that reasonably well by constantly switching genres - shoot-'em-up bits, platforming bits, boss battles, fresh scenery, new enemies - flipping between styles smoothly enough that you mostly forget each individual bit is fairly basic underneath.
Worth a look for fans of Battletoads and beat-'em-ups. Show it to your kids. Just don't let them have opinions afterwards.
