Stone Protectors is an ancient game from 1994. It's a whopping 30 years old at the time of this review. The game lacks support for any modern gaming display resolutions (or widescreen monitors), hasn't been modernised or updated to run smoothly on modern gaming PCs. Despite this lack of modernisation, it carries a pretty high price tag for such an ancient game. This seems to have been put on Steam as a nostalgia gouge, or just a cash grab to try profit from abandonware.
Stone Protectors is just another rejected 2D arcade beat 'em up (think Golden Axe ripoff) for the SNES. You may be wondering why a crap rejected 1990's SNES game belongs on Steam and the answer is, you're right, it doesn't. This is another abandonware cash grab by Piko Interactive, who swindle their hands onto old abandoned/broken/dead games then try to swindle Steam gamers into paying them for someone else's old abandoned game. Ethical? Nope.
This was never a good arcade brawler. It's a very generic brawler lacking notable features or differentiation. In fact, just like Piko Interactive is making a nasty cash grab here, Stone Protectors was a franchise doing exactly the same thing back in the early 1990's. It was a potent time in terms of marketing crap to schoolboys. He-Man had come and gone and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were in full swing. Biker Mice From Mars would follow on trying to cash in on the craze, to some success, and the guys behind Stone Protectors did too... there was a TV show, Stone Protector action figures, and of course this crash low effort rushed out SNES game (later ported to Genesis).
Aping TMNT, there's a bunch of troll dolls (come on, that's what they are), each one had a special power stone ability and each one played in a rock band (of course). A cookie cutter ripoff devoid of soul... just like everything from Piko Interactive. Taking other people's stuff and trying to make money out of it. Nothing original.
This was garbage then and it's worse now... it just throws a spotlight on this shady gravedigging that Piko Interactive are doing... polluting Steam with garbage that emulator enthusiasts wouldn't even bother downloading.
From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard.
There's no option to change the resolution and no useful graphics tweaks. There's no way to ensure this is running at the native resolution of your display. There's no guarantee this game will look right on any PC as a result of this hamfisted design decision.
Bewilderingly, the game doesn't include proper audio controls, so you can't turn off the annoying background music, you'll need to alt+tab out and stop the music using the Windows sound mixer. This is obviously not okay and it's unclear why the developers chose not to include this basic feature. To make matters worse, there's no mouse input, despite this being sold on PC as if it were a PC game. This is unacceptable and somewhat insulting to PC gamers. It's a good demonstration of the poor attitude the developer has towards PC gamers, and this attitude has resulted in yet another defect in this game.
Because this is designed for consoles, it carries a number of deliberate design deficiencies. Compromises were made to cater to the inferior console gaming appliances that the game was designed for. These are unfortunate compromises and limitations that PC gamers shouldn't be forced to accept, but it's evident that PC was a second thought for the console-centric developers. The game is deficient as a result of these choices, and would have been so much better without the handicaps that designing games for consoles forces upon a game. Once more, console peasants have made gaming worse for everyone.
These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game.
The poor quality of this game is reflected by how many people spent time with it. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the all-time peak player number was only 2 players. This is a remarkably low number, and now, the only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 50,000 games for gamers to choose from, the overwhelming lack of interest in this low quality game is to be expected.
Stone Protectors is relatively expensive for an abandonware nostalgia gouge, at $13 USD, and it's not worth it. The game is just too old, hasn't been modernised. And as the old saying goes, you can't go home again. Even when it was new, this was never a triple-A game. This is the kind of game that went almost directly from the warehouse into the cheap bargain bins at the front of the shop. Now, on Steam, without any modernisation? This is impossible to recommend. For comparison, the $13 asking price for this game could get you games like "Dead by Daylight", "Stellaris" or "Rust". Quality, professionally made games like those are frequently on sale cheaper than this. There's also thousands of free, superior quality games on Steam.
[quote][b][url=https://partner.steamgames.com/doc/marketing/profile]Profile Features Limited![/url][/b]
Valve have marked this game as "Profile Features Limited" at the time of this review. This is usually caused by poor sales figures and low community acceptance for the game (to date). Until this status changes, this game will not give you +1 to your Game Collector badge count, appear in profile achievements or any other Steam meta-accomplishments, nor can it be displayed in some profile showcases. If these factors are important to you, it may be worth holding off before buying this game.[/quote]
