[b]You've already played The New Apartment.[/b] That right there is its biggest setback. If you have even the [i]slightest[/i] interest in horror and have played [i]even just[/i] [b]one[/b] of those little indie horror games you find everywhere on Steam, then you know [b]EXACTLY[/b] what's going to happen, [b]beat by beat[/b]. That's not to say there isn't anything good in the game, nor am I saying that there aren't other issues worth talking about. [i]Look....[/i] all I'm trying to say is [i]that I've played these games before[/i]. you hear me?
The game begins [b]as any proper horror game should start[/b], by introducing us to a single, 20s something dude who [i]hates his job[/i], is buried [i]in student loans[/i], and [i]can only afford the cheapest and crappiest on the housing market[/i]. how else would you relate to your target audience? [b]he's literally me![/b] (*ahem*) so our hero man (I'm just going to call him Larry), just got home from work, and is doing his usual nightly routine. Eating dinner, washing dishes, brushing teeth, [i]all that exciting stuff[/i]; when all of a sudden, [i]he hears a strange noise in the living room[/i]. [b]w h a t c o u l d i t b e ? ?[/b] Upon entering, he finds one of the framed photos on the ground, and on the wall in its place are the words [b]“In the darkness, you will find us”[/b]. huh.... whelp, it's awfully late, and I ought to be getting to bed now. [b]G'night[/b].
The first thing you'll notice about [b]The New Apartment[/b] is that [i]there really isn't any actual gameplay[/i]. You're going around your house, just... [b]living[/b]. Wash the dishes. [b]check[/b]. Brush your teeth. [b]check[/b]. Now [i]turn on your little night light and grab your teddy and say nighty night[/i]. [b]check-a-doodle[/b]. That's about as involved as the game gets, and we haven't even gotten to the horror yet. Once the lights go out and the spooky stuff starts, you're tasked with mindlessly moving around the apartment, searching for whatever weird occurrence just happened. There [i]is[/i] a puzzle in the last fourth of the game or so, but other than that, it's a [b]straight up walking simulator, with nowhere to even walk[/b]. And [i]don't get me wrong[/i], moving around in the dark [i]can[/i] be pretty unnerving, but as the game drags on, [spoiler]combined with the fact that you're in absolutely no danger for 99% of the runtime[/spoiler], the only feeling you'll have is [b]boredom[/b].
The production values of [b]The New Apartment[/b] are an equally mixed bag. Visually, the game actually looks really sharp, with hyper-realistic props and textures. I wouldn't be at all surprised if over half the assets came pre-made from Unreal Engine, but [i]hey[/i], it still looks great, and there are enough little details to prove that the developer really cared [spoiler](some of the book titles on the shelf are hilarious. our man Larry has both Politics for Winners AND Politics for Losers. ...I'm sure that joke offended someone somewhere)[/spoiler]. And the sound design is [b]fantastic[/b]; being both distinct and unsettling, without just going down the typical [b]L0Ud NOiSES!! ! ![/b] route. Unfortunately, the game runs like [b]crap[/b], with the FPS frequently dipping down [i]into the 10s[/i], with the motion blur (which you can't turn off) [b]making me want to puke[/b]. (I don't know my exact computer assessments, but I could run Apex Legends just fine at 60). It's also kind of difficult figuring out what items you can and can't interact with, because the icon is [b]so darn small[/b] and the camera makes me feel like I'm drunk anyway. And Larry's comments throughout the whole game just scream “[b]I'm a modern horror movie protagonist with no personality[/b]”. like, [i]can we[/i] PLEASE stop the trope where [i]horror movie characters do stupid things because they're like[/i] “[b]heh heh, I'm not in a horror movie or anything! I have so much to live for!![/b]”? It's not [b]funny[/b], it's not [b]clever[/b], and it feels like [i]you're making an excuse for[/i] [b]bad writing[/b]. And it's not like the rest of Larry's comments are any better: [b]“well, that just happened!”, “I take a dump here every day”[/b], [spoiler]“macaroni. good.”.[/spoiler]
And now, for the main thing that turned me off about [b]The New Apartment[/b], the [i]very thing that made me decide on the negative rating[/i], [b]we have the ending[/b]..............spoilers, [i]obviously[/i]. After you solve the riddle and open the combination lock, you open up the jewelry box and find a note that simply states “[b]It is time. You are worthy. She is coming[/b]”. Almost [i]immediately[/i], your front door swings open, and the wind becomes unnaturally [b]loud[/b]. The game prompts you to hide in the bathroom, [i]which you do[/i]. [b]you sit in the dark... holding your breath... waiting for it all to end.... you hear footsteps... and heavy breathing.... that... that can't be human.[/b] oh[i]oh[/i]oh-[b]oh my gosh it's opening the door....[/b] it's... [i]it's...[/i] IT'S.. [spoiler]it's a seven foot dark glowing demon thing with no face.[/spoiler] [b]spooky[/b]. and [i]you know what happens next?[/i] [spoiler]...it kills you. ….like, yeah. The demon guy (or lady, I suppose) kills you, and you're thrown right back to the title screen[/spoiler].….GGs!! and MAN, what a crazy conclusion!! A horror game ending with [spoiler]a tall dark figure brutally murdering you before abruptly going back to the title?[/spoiler] [b]that is just SHOCKING!![/b] why, [i]I haven't seen a horror game end like that since[/i] [b]The Last Job[/b], or [b]Missing Hiker[/b], or [b]Nightmare of Decay[/b], or [b]The Grave Keeper[/b], or [b]Big Larry[/b], or---y'know what [i]I'm just gonna stop right there[/i]. And as always, my reaction remains exactly the same: [spoiler]“...........aight. …..I'm gonna go play Balatro now”.[/spoiler]
If you want an easy and short horror experience for cheap, you could be doing a whole lot worse than [b]The New Apartment[/b]. While there's not much to it, and it doesn't run very well, the visuals look just fine; and the atmosphere is genuinely [i]really good[/i]. I just can't shake the feeling that [i]I've played these games before.[/i] you hear me? I said [b]I've played these games before[/b]..….[i]I'm gonna go play Balatro now.[/i]
