Cooking Witch

Funny game

Why are all these kids having a circus meatup in the woods? Nobody knows, and "Cooking Witch" is no seasoned delight, overstaying its welcome way past the point of boiling and ending up as all mops and brooms. Before you go flying on this one, save your breath to cool your porridge and let's hope "No Life" - the next release by the developer - will be better put together than this oathless piecemeal.

Cooking Witch is a somewhat genuine attempt at making a game using ClickTeam Fusion. This is a very basic mobile app-like 2D retro pixel side scrolling action game where you put your finger on your iPhone screen and a "witch" flies after your finger, thus allowing you to control the game. The core game loop involves picking up various things that witches like to cook (children) and dumping them in a pot, then collecting the meat. There's a number of missions that involve simple goals like cooking a certain number of children or eating a certain amount of meat. Watch out for angry parents with guns. This isn't the worst thing I've seen put together with ClickTeam Fusion, but as always this construction kit should never be used in the place of professional game development tools because it's more for making demos to pass around with friends and provide a basic education on some elements of game design... imagine if someone were to publish something like that on Steam as a real game. Well, here we are. Sigh. From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard. A choice was made to use obsolete, decades old retro pixel "art" as a substitute for contemporary PC graphics. It's unclear if this is due to lack of budget or talent, regardless, the overall visual quality of the game is extremely low as a result. There's no options to change the resolution for the game or customise the graphics settings. There's no way for gamers to ensure this is running at the native resolution of their displays... there's no guarantee this game will look right on any PC as a result of this hamfisted design decision. There's no way for gamers to try improve the low quality graphics. The controls can't be customised, which will be an annoyance for many, but it can also render the game unplayable for differently-abled gamers. Some of the defects in the game can be attributed to the choice of using the Clickteam Fusion game engine/toolset - the "No-Code" construction kit that "Anyone can make games with!!". Including, you know, people who aren't game developers. Which is a problem. This is a very poor quality toolset sometimes used by amateur developers as it's free (so they don't have to pay for GameMaker Studio) and doesn't require advanced game development skills, but unfortunately has very limited capabilities (it's arguably worse than GameMaker Studio). Just as you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear, you can't make a great video game if you use a terrible engine. This looks and feels like a mobile app, but I wasn't able to find it on the app stores. Maybe it was removed, maybe it was rejected by Apple and Google (they do have more rigorous quality standards than Valve does for Steam, after all). Regardless, for all intents and purposes "Cooking Witch" might as well be a mobile app, it has the same limitations and dumbed down qualities. It's impossible to recommend such a game to PC gamers. We don't spend all this money building gaming rigs so we can pretend they're iPhones and play games that might as well be mobile apps. These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game. Cooking Witch didn't appeal much to the people who own a copy of the game, either. It has achievements, and they show us a very clear picture that the game didn't really capture any interest from gamers. The most commonly and easily attained achievement is for cooking three kids, trivial to do, but only around 14 percent of players bothered to get that far before uninstalling the game. Hardly a success story, gamers just weren't all that interested in the game. Reviewing SteamDB to check how popular this game was with players reveals a surprise... there's a very healthy spike in player counts for the game. But this isn't consistent with the achievement stats, that show only 14 percent of players bothered playing the game for any reasonable amount of time. How is it possible for this game to have so many concurrent players who weren't even playing the game? Trading cards. Players will use card idling software to collect the cards and sell them, but this won't trigger any achievements in-game. That tells us people only really bought this game for trading cards, and that's a damning indictment of the woeful quality. A closer look at the numbers shows the game just has a couple of players every week running up the game and idling it for cards, then deleting it. We must ask how it benefits gamers for there to be so many games like this, with no merit as a serious game, that only generate sales from people idling and selling the trading cards. Cooking Witch is relatively cheap at $2 USD, but it's not worth it. Given the defects and quality issues with the game, coupled with the unrealistic price, this is impossible to recommend. Because this is the kind of game you can just play for free on mobile phones, it's impossible to recommend anyone should pay money for the same experience on Steam.

I am 32 years old. My ex-wife and I have a daughter together, and we adopted our son together. Both are now 4 years old. When we were going through our separation, I felt lost and unhappy. I was self-destructive. One day, I was so angry with everything spiraling out of control that I punched a concrete wall in a moment of overwhelming emotion. This resulted in breaking my fifth metacarpal in my right hand—the hand I worked with, played games with, and used to carry my children to bed—the hand I desperately needed to ensure I could continue providing. Upon learning the severity of the self-inflicted damage, I became almost suicidal. Keep in mind that just a few months before this, I was the happiest man, with no history of depression or anxiety. I had never experienced anger outbursts, nor was I the type to break down and cry, but I was in a tough situation that truly prevented me from seeing the light on the other side. With nothing better to do, I looked for a game I could play WITH ONE HAND while recovering. Somehow, I stumbled upon this game and read some of the comments. I decided it was worth a try... I must admit I didn't beat the game, nor did I play as much as some of you. In fact, I may have played this game for only a day or two. That being said, after doing so, I had a new joy and hope for life. I managed to leave behind the pain and suffering that had been thrust upon me. I could experience the joy and happiness of other people. I relaxed for 5 ♥♥♥♥ minutes listening to this music, long enough to realize that I would be okay. After realizing this, I turned off the game and went back to work. My hand hurt a lot, but I was motivated. I stopped feeling so sorry for myself and became the father I needed to be at that moment, not the weak boy I was behaving like. Today, I am close friends with the mother of my children. We don't fight, argue, or say hurtful things to each other. We are parents and friends. Now I have 3 children. My third child is, wait, ALSO 4 YEARS OLD. The woman I am with was going through a very similar situation at the time of my separation, and we just unexpectedly stumbled into each other's lives. We have been dating for a year and are very happy together. Moral of the story: you never know what life has in store for you, and if I had given up when all odds were against me, I wouldn't be where I am today. This silly little game helped me realize that. Thank you.

这家的每个游戏都很可爱，很有趣。早晚我得给他补个全成就。 ⣿⣷⣿⣮⡿⠚⣩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡙⢿⣿ ⣿⡿⢛⣩⣥⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿ ⡟⢠⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠹⢿⣿⠟⣰⣿ ⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿⣿⣷⣦⠐⣾⣿⣿ ⡄⢿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⡟⠉⢹⣿⠟⢻⠷⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣤⣙⢛⡉⣼⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣏⡉⣤⠸⣿⡿⠿⠻❤️⠋⣸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⡂⢋⣴⣿⣿⡆⣿⡀⠿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡙⠿⠟⠻⠿⢋⣥⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⣿⣿⣶⡌⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⣾⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⢈ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣾⣿⣿⣿⣛⡛⠻⠿⠿⠛⣡⣾⣿⣦⣙⠛⠟⢋⣼

Witches abandon simmering potions for soaring through eerie woods on broomsticks, shifting their mission from brewing magical concoctions to capturing unsuspecting children. In this straightforward game, you capture children and put them in your cauldron to earn points that help you improve your skills. Upgrades like faster brooms and larger cauldrons enhance your abilities, while each child's traits affect how easily they can be caught, adding a strategic element to the game. Overall, it offers a simple yet memorable experience. The blend of capturing and upgrading ensures an engaging arcade.

A very wholesome casual game about kidnapping, killing, cooking, and eating children.