Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates

With a name like [i]Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates[/i] I don't believe anyone actually expected this to be a good game. Even still I was hopeful that I would be able to find some dumb fun hidden underneath the ridiculous title and obvious low development budget, but alas Woody Two-Legs is nothing of the sort. What we have instead is a poorly designed and repetitive game, with impressively low production values and confusing controls that is above all else very, very boring. As scoundrel pirate Woody Two-Legs, out pillaging ships on Halloween night, you mistakenly taken the treasure of Davy Jones and raised his scourge of undead minions determined to get it back. As is the case with most pirates Woody isn't about to let go of his loot, and so a desperate back and forth begins that you unfortunately must take part of. Woody plays like something of a twin-stick shooter, with waves of enemies approaching from all sides attempting to make off with the treasure on the island in the middle and sink your ship in the process. The difference here is that you are controlling a ship, and as such have to account for the time it takes to turn as well as only being able to fire from your side cannons. It almost sounds like an interesting concept, until you actually attempt to play it and realize how unnecessarily confusing it makes everything. Controlling your ship is very awkward and hard to do with any sort of precision, and shooting enemies is even more frustrating do to having to retrain your brain to remember which way your ship is facing and then choose the right side to shoot out of (when you are constantly turning around, remembering which was is left and right is much more challenging than it sounds like). Even if you manage to get the controls down, the gameplay just isn't fun. Enemies come in three barely indistinct varieties, with the only difference being if their end objective is to kill or steal from you, providing no satisfaction to destroy and disappearing in a puff of white smoke. Each of the five level plays and looks exactly the same with no variation save the boss at the end (which also repeat after a point) and how dark it is, and which take an agonizing 10-20 minutes to complete with no change to enemies patterns or any other means to revitalize the experience (which is already tiring after the first few moments). I was willing to give Woody a chance despite every indication it would be a horrible time, but it surpassed even my low expectations. [i]Paradox[/i] has released a lot of forgettable games and this is one of the worst; an astonishingly monotonous experience that not even the combination of zombies and pirates could save. Yes it's cheap, dirt cheap even during sales; no it is not worth your time, money, or the braincells you will lose trying to play it.

How I managed to complete Woody Two-Legs, is beyond me, the controls alone make this a terrible game. It would of been a joy to play if they allowed you to shoot with the mouse, but no no...you have to use the arrow keys(?) why...?! The aim of the game is to protect your chest of gold on an island from waves of enemy pirate ships that try and steal it, and you have to fend them off, each ship you destroy will drop a "chest", granting either a power-up, score multiplier, or more money. There are plenty of better shooting games out there than this, so don't bother wasting your time on it, unlike me....

Basic little wave based shooter feels like it was ported from mobile likely. There really isn't much to it and it got boring very quickly. Beyond that there are many bugs with the scoring system and even the menus were a bit wonky. I did not enjoy this. :-(

[h1]Тысяча чертей![/h1] Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates – казуалка про то, как пират хочет защитить свои сокровища от постоянно прибывающих вражин. И мы в этом ему помогаем. Суть игры проста, дана волна, со всех концов карты прибывают вражеские корабли, наша задача их потопить. И так от волны до волны. [h1]Плюсы:[/h1] [list] [*] [u]Достижения.[/u] [*] [u]Приятная картинка.[/u] [/list] [h1]Минусы:[/h1] [list] [*] [u]Однообразность.[/u] Тупо защищаем сундук, от волны до волны, одно и то же, раз за разом. [*] [u]Кривоватое управление.[/u] [*] [u]Нет русского языка.[/u] [/list] [h1]Итог:[/h1] Я честно пытался найти больше плюсов, но игре я говорю «Скорее нет, чем да». Не рекомендую…

This game is extremely terrible. It is repetitive beyond belief, even the music. Every stage is the same boring thing with the same boring enemies just re-skinned, just more of them. The ship collision is the worst thing in the game. There are only a handful of item upgrades, which are all extremely temporary, and some of them are terrible. The wide web is the worst of them all for the fact you can get stuck in it and it lasts what feels like forever. Although, it can be good for the boss fights. The basic price is ridiculous for what you get. Do not buy, even on a sale. The game is complete garbage at any price. [b][u]Positives:[/u][/b] Nothing [b][u]Neutral:[/u][/b] =Partial controller support despite not be advertised as having it. [b][u]Negatives:[/u][/b] -Ship collision. The ship collision is the worst thing in the game. When you bump into a ship you spin into a random direction. You can also get stuck between the islands for a good period of time while you are bouncing around between ships and land trying to get free. -Every stage is essentially the same, enemies are just re-skinned. -Music. Same song for every stage and it is annoying. Muting music is a must. -Kraken bosses can get your boat stuck to them if you bump them just right. -Boat bosses hit-box is much smaller than the art. Only the very middle of the boat registers attacks. -Always spawn in the exact same place after death. This would not be bad except for the fact the enemy, even bosses, start shooting at the location before you spawn. So you can spawn in already being attacked. -No onscreen timers or notification to show how long a positive or negative effect has left. -Kamikaze dolphins will not track after kraken bosses. -Wide area web's area of effect is larger than the art so you can get stuck in it just being near. Wide area net will end up hurting you more than helping you. -Online scoreboard does not work. -No replayability, not even for score since it seems to be broke. -Game crashed several times during long periods of play. -Beating story mode does not always unlock the next difficulty mode. I beat medium difficulty several times before it unlocked hard finally. I think this had a lot to do with the OS the game is running on. I originally was playing on WIN 10 and it never progressed. I played it on WIN XP once and it progressed. [b][u]Stay away from this game at all costs.[/u][/b]

pretty fun. though they make it impossible to win without any piratses stealing your gold

Meh. I wasn't quite sure what I could expect when starting this game, I was hoping for a real pirate adventure somehow, but instead I got a last stand sort of game where you have to protect your gold for as long as you can. Fun for a couple of minutes, it has no real depth. [Rating: 62/100]

Too few stages that last too long (and they even reuse bosses somehow with only five levels). Imagine the world's least controllable twin-stick shooter with a side of base-defense and you've got this game in a nutshell. I cannot in any way advise purchasing or playing this title, and would in fact recommend you spend the $1.25 it costs on sale to purchase a tiny plastic knife and stab yourself in the balls/tits as needed to remind yourself of the fun you could be having with this game.

Before I played this game: ＼＼ ＿ 　　 ＼( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 　　　 <　⌒ヽ 　　　/ 　 へ＼ 　　 /　　/　＼＼ 　　 ﾚ　ノ　　 ヽ_つ 　　/　/ 　 /　/| 　(　(ヽ 　|　|、＼ 　| 丿 ＼ ⌒) 　| |　　) / `ノ )　　Lﾉ After I played this game: ／ﾌﾌ 　　　　　　 　ム｀ヽ / ノ) 　 ）　ヽ / ｜　　( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°）ノ⌒（ゝ._,ノ /　ﾉ⌒7⌒ヽーく　 ＼　／ 丶＿ ノ ｡　　 ノ､　｡|/ 　　 `ヽ `ー-'_人`ーﾉ 　　　 丶 ￣ _人'彡)

A game where your a pirate protecting a treasure on an island on every map, yep the background is blue swap out a different island and boom call it a new level. Pretty boring pretty fast as in the second you find out your just a ship sailing in circles shooting things. Rating: 4/10 Value: $0.99