I have never played a more boring final fantasy game. I slogged through this steaming pile of anal seepage, because I forced another unfortunate soul, who found it equally as boring and uninteresting, to play it with me after buying it for them. I would rather drag my balls through a field of the crystals that jack makes, than playthrough this goyslop of a game ever again.
The story is just flat out boring. I didn't expect it to be a masterpiece, but holy hell its bad. The pacing is all over the place, and no character gets time to develop, nor would I care even if they did. The voice acting is some of the most cornball ♥♥♥♥ I've had assault my ears in a while. Jack is just a corny edgelord and everyone else is just generic. [spoiler] The best part of the game was getting to kill these cornballs, only for that joy to be drained when they show back up alive a few cutscenes later. [/spoiler] I couldn't tell you ♥♥♥♥ about what the story is like, because halfway through our playthrough we just stopped caring and making jokes about it. That scene where Jack walks out of the castle listening to LIMP ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BIZKIT was probably the ONLY scene that was mildly funny.
The combat feels like it wants to be a button masher, but also trying to throw combos in to make it more interesting, but those combos are pointless to do when you can just spam your basic attack and your heavy attack for 99% of combos. Hitting enemies feels so unsatisfying and more like a chore than anything. There were several parts in the game where me and my duo just ran through them rather than fight them because we just didnt feel like killing them. The way that the game handles weapon and armor drops is also just really ♥♥♥♥. In almost all cases, you can just pick the item that has the highest level, and you'll be more than okay, so that begs the question of why include all these different rarities and stats when my red weapon that I just got is about to be outclassed by a grey weapon that I pick up next stage THATS ONE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LEVEL HIGHER??? I assume that the equipment upgrade system was supposed to be a way to fix this, but I never felt the need to use the thing. The game had 1 section that challenged me, and that was the final boss, outside of that me and my duo never had a hard time. I played this game almost never hitting my block key and running into most fights spamming my basic and heavy attacks ON HARD MODE. What troglodyte at Square Enix actually thought that this was a remotely fun combat system and item system??? I just finished writing all this and realized I forgot about the jobs system, which should tell you how little it matters. I don't even know why they bothered including this system. None of the jobs I played felt different to each other. The only noticeable thing that changes is your weapon types you can use, so I wouldn't even say to pick jobs based on the "bonus perks" just pick whatever one has the weapon class you want to use and call it a day.
The missions are literally just "go from point a to point b then fight a boss." There is no variation in this. The most you will get is an occasional gate puzzle or a wall enemy that you have to kill to progress, but that's it. Almost all the enemies can be ran past and ignored once you hit late game. You can do it early game to, but you'll miss out on some gear drops that you'll probably want. There are side missions, but to be honest, we didn't play a single one, Why? Because this story blew hot ass cheeks, and these characters are somehow more unlikeable than the average asmongold viewer. The only thing I wanted was for this experience to be over.
There were several areas in the game that slowed down to single digit FPS. Why is a game from 2023, having slow downs on a 5080??? Why do executions slow the game down for the entire lobby unless me and my duo cap the game to 30fps??? Why was this game dropped on its head at birth??? These are questions We'll never know.
This was the biggest waste of hard drive space that I have ever installed. I don't know how this game has 83% positive. Did Israel fund these reviewers??? There can not be this many people that can appreciate such an abysmal piece of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I want to find something to like about this game and I just can't. There is genuinely no redeeming quality to this incest baby of a game. ♥♥♥♥ this game bruh.
