Yes, I'm actually going to write a serious review of the zombie nurse game.
First, I don't think I need to talk about the nurses' designs, because you can just look at the store page and get an idea. What you see on the store is pretty much as explicit as the game will get AFAIK.
What you might not realize from looking at the store page is that this game is actually pretty funny, being self-aware of the absurd concept and leaning into it. This game made me laugh a few times with the characters' motivations and stories.
[h2]Story[/h2]
What's the main character's motivation in Resident Evil? Investigating grisly murders, then escaping a mansion. What's the main character's motivation in Silent Hill 2? Searching for his wife, then confronting his own past and trauma. What's the main character's motivation in Ruined Nurse? Installing the internet. [i]That's it.[/i] This guy is hilariously single-minded, because all he wants to do is install the internet [b]at any cost.[/b]
The main character, Zeul, starts out by receiving a letter asking him to install internet at Ruined Hospital. Note that I capitalized "Ruined" here. That's not an adjective, but part of a noun. A [i]proper[/i] noun. The hospital is [i]literally called Ruined Hospital.[/i] There are road signs saying you're approaching Ruined Hospital, and the hospital has two big signs with "Ruined Hospital" on its entrance and roof. Maybe not the best name for a hospital? No wonder you don't see any other patients. I guess the name "♥♥♥♥♥♥-up Infirmary" was already taken.
So this internet installation expert literally [i]breaks in[/i] since the hospital's gate is locked. Once inside, he's attacked by a zombie nurse who tries to stab him. But, luckily for Zeul, a pink-haired woman shows up and shoots the zombie, and they escape to a safe room.
Once safe, she says her name is Nell, and that she was the one who put in the request to install the internet. Zeul is like "don't you want to escape this hospital full of zombies?" And Nell is like "no, I live here, I just want to be able to browse the internet." So Zeul, being the most dedicated internet installation expert in existence (he did already break in just to do his job), still agrees to install the internet. And that continues to be his one and only goal for almost the whole game! He fights his way through a hospital full of zombies, solving puzzles, just to look for ports and the server room so he can get things set up. I burst out laughing at one point when he escapes from the leader of the zombies and says to himself "this is the most difficult internet installation I've ever done." He's not even locked in or anything. It's not like he [i]needs[/i] to set up the internet to escape. The exit is unlocked, he just refuses to leave until he's set up the internet.
Of course, living in a zombie nurse hospital, there's obviously something strange about Nell. Spoilers in case you actually care about that: [spoiler]she's one of the zombie nurses, and uses some device to look normal. When it breaks, she's like "I'm hideous." And Zeul is just like "no, Halloween cosplay is a thing online actually, you'd actually be pretty popular." There's something so funny about telling an [i]actual zombie[/i] (or demon or something?) that it's okay because the internet has a thing for goths.[/spoiler]
At the end, Zeul confirms the internet is working, Nell logs in and starts browsing, they shake hands, and Zeul drives off, proud of his dedication to customer support.
[h2]Gameplay[/h2]
The combat in the main story is pretty easy, as most enemies just walk towards you. The enemies you'll face are Receptions, who walk toward you and try to grab you, Scalpels, who are like Receptions but try to stab you, Quiets, who are blind but move quickly to loud noises, and Lumens, who are attracted to your flashlight. Quiets and Lumens are probably [i]supposed[/i] to be more challenging, and it could be an interesting idea from a horror perspective, but it's really easy to trick them, so they usually pose less of a threat than the most basic enemy. For Quiets, just shoot and then move to the other side of the room. For Lumens, just turn off your flashlight and shoot them. It gets even easier once you find some gold coins and buy a silencer for the pistol or a special LED flashlight that doesn't attract Lumens. There's maybe one or two clever setups that take advantage of the enemies' traits, but typically you just walk into a room and shoot their heads a few times.
Puzzles are maybe better than you'd expect. They're at least more challenging than most modern Resident Evil puzzles, but that isn't really a high bar.
After beating the game, there's some post-game content. You get a survival mode, where you have to fight off increasingly difficult waves of enemies, buying upgrades for yourself and Nell, who acts as support. You can also unlock a few costumes for the main characters. There's character descriptions and journal entries that you can read to learn more of the lore of both the main character and the hospital. And, finally, you get access to a nurse customizer, where you can enable and disable certain things like the hair colors, hair styles, and costumes, to have more control over the randomly generated nurses.
[h2]Conclusion[/h2]
Overall, I think this game has the charm of a horror B-movie. Even if the nurses aren't your cup of tea, I'd recommend it to just laugh at the silly premise and absurd story.
