Now, I don't have autism, but I hope my kid does so I can bottle him. I'll just keep having children until one of them has the little quirk, I'll do IVF, impregnate socially inept women, you name it, and nobody's going to stop me. And when little junior has autism, I'm going to teach him how to count the exact proportions of alcohol and how many standard drinks they'll equate to. That way I'll have my own little calculator, who'll be able to gauge how many standard drinks I've had throughout the night.
Y'know, speaking of alcohol, it reminds me of the time when I saw an opened bottle of hand sanitiser nailed to the wall, that read "70 percent alcohol". Now at this point in time, I hadn't drunk for about two hours and desperately needed to quench my thirst. Without a moments ado I ran on over and began licking at the bottle, to get a few droplets of that sweet nectar. Ho ho ho, I couldn't be stopped. It took three strong lads to drag me away from the bottle. Good times, days when alcohol was in everything, even the hand sanitiser. Now you're lucky to find anything strong in this paltry excuse for ale they sell in the pub nowadays.
Anyway, Max is a good kid, a real good kid. We form a close, tight knit bond, him and I. He even has a penchant for games, since his imagination roams and works wonders due to the autism y'see. There's even an established favourite game of his, which we mutually enjoy, it's called 'Get me a beer now before I smash you'. The premise is simple, he gets off the couch and scurries away to the fridge, retrieving a drink. If he does so before the Footy ads pop up, then I won't hit him with the bottle. I feel the game adds a tangible sense of structure to his life and instils within him an honest, diligent work ethic. Too often are delivery industries rife with sloth, causing tardy Dan Murphy's deliveries. How's a man meant to drink his 34th pint of Guinness at 2am, if he's been kicked out of every pub, the stores are closed and his delivery is four minutes late? So yeah, you gotta start 'em young, lest they turn into indolent, lethargic fiends, with no sense of urgency permeated inside their minds. When he gets a tad older, I'll have him start benching beer kegs and brewing me brews. It'll be like I'm Willy Wonka and he's one of the Oompa Loompa's making my products.
Plans for my auspicious future aside, the game was touching, genuinely. It's good to espy that efforts are being made to ensure Max becomes a functional member of society. If I am to be candid however, my negative review is derived from the fact that this story relates to a real life experience between father and son, and said son Max at ten years old is being medicated for having Attention Deficit Disorder, a purely mental affliction, which doesn't cause physical harm to a child and instead is related to a hyperactivity personality, hyperactivity being incredibly broad and common for children. The game attempts to ambiguously refer to the medication, which is likely Ritalin or Adderall as simply being a 'little pill' which enables him to concentrate and be more studious in school. What it omits mentioning is the severe repercussions it can have on a developing brain, especially that of a child's. It can stunt growth, cause a chemical imbalance, lessen a child's appetite which can again affect growth because a kid needs to eat and deprive them of energy. It effectively makes them docile, placated and completely lacking in energy, during a time when they're meant to be happy, brimming with life and carefree. What they are doing is having a child ingest what is essentially a sedative, it's despicable. This isn't even mentioning the fact that it is addictive and if a person, especially since childhood, has taken the medication for months to years, they will grow addicted and suffer withdrawals when they inevitably try to live without relying on said substance. This will then likely cause an effect where they despise how they feel while on the medication, attempt to get off, suffer in anguish due to withdrawals and eventually relapse. It's essentially prepping a child up for a miserable life of addiction, and for what? To remedy an intangible affliction, which can be solved through natural means? I view the parents of Max with nothing but scorn. because Instead of taking the longer, less harmful and natural route to solve the perceived issue, they take the easy option and just choose to sedate their child. The whole mentality is literally just 'out of sight out of mind', because who cares if you are just pushing the issue under the carpet, it'll take years before it resurfaces, better just to temporarily resolve the issue and ruin a kids life, so you have more time to watch television. I also want to reiterate by saying that it's ridiculous to do this over a child being hyperactive. They're kids, if they aren't energetic and all over the place, then something's wrong. Allow a child to be a child, not an adult filled with the stresses off the real world. Anyway, I hope Max is doing well nowadays, I reckon you should give him to me for a week and I'll show him how to chug a pint of Guinness in under ten seconds. It's a speciality of mine and what I'm renowned for in the local taverns.
