Thirsty Suitors

SCORE: ★★★★★ THE BREAKDOWN +Gorgeous art-style and colorful graphics +An interesting cast of characters who are fascinatingly terrible people +Novel boss-rush take on an almost Scott Pilgrim-esque concept +Enjoyable battles that feel well-paced +Feels authentically queer with a lack of corporate blandness -The skateboarding travel minigame’s a bit too prominent for how basic it is Thirsty Suitors’ protagonist, Jala, is an absolutely awful person. Crucially, she’s an equally fantastic character – layered, complex, sometimes even sympathetic – but as an actual human being? Just a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ spirit, as one of my favorite NPCs from another game once said. And the game knows it; dare I say, it even revels in it. Hell, the introduction has Jala on a long bus ride home to move back in with her parents, necessitated because the whirlwind romance she’d abandoned everyone she knew for blew up in her face and left her stranded in another state. From there, this colorful and deeply queer adventure only turns into more and more of a glorious disaster, and I was utterly here for it from start to finish thanks to its deft writing and surprisingly fun turn-based combat system. Structured almost like an inverse Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Thirsty Suitors is what its Steam page describes as a ‘Breakup Simulator’. Three years ago, Jala imploded her entire life for a new lover and moved away from the town she grew up in, but that was hardly her first irresponsible and reckless decision. Even before that, she left a trail of bitter exes in her wake – some who she took full advantage of, and others who were just as trashy as her – and the bill’s come due now that she’s returned home. As if that weren’t enough, Jala’s more responsible and well-liked older sister, who’s such a dominant presence in her life that even Jala’s own vicious and biting conscience takes her form, is getting married, really driving home her inferiority issues. Even worse? The family matriarch, Grandmother Paati, will be visiting from India for the wedding, a bit of news treated by everyone Jala knows as something akin to Godzilla approaching the coast of Japan. What this means in terms of gameplay structure is that as Jala skates around town either making amends or causing problems, she’s beset by enemies and confronts her exes in what’s fundamentally a dialogue-heavy, turn-based battling system where she resolves her issues with the person she’s fighting. Since these fights largely take place in a sort of mindscape, there’s little need for them to remain beholden to the rules of reality, and the game wastes little time in getting over-the-top with it. Aggressive skateboard tricks, projectile basketballs, and kaiju-sized parental summons are part and parcel of Thirsty Suitors’ combat, and while it’s not particularly deep, there’s a ton of fun to be had in balancing flirtatious taunts with ego-puncturing insults mid-fight to exploit a foe’s weaknesses. The boss fights against the aforementioned exes are this concept at its best, where Jala’s forced to confront everything she did to wrong her former paramours while battling their idealized selves. These elaborate setpieces never failed to delight me, ranging from a Bollywood-inspired dance battle with Jala’s third-grade ex to drowning in guilt while the pet cat of the nicest person she ever dated turns into a gigantic, spectral tiger and tries to maul her. Thankfully, despite Jala’s best efforts to self-sabotage, she’s not completely alone. Flaws and all, Jala’s undeniably charismatic and charming, and it’s quickly made obvious why she’s such a heartbreaker; even her exes have to work really hard to stay mad at her, and they usually wind up being as helpful as often as they are opponents. Outside of combat, the player can spend quality time cooking with Jala’s father (and sometimes with her stricter but ultimately caring mother), performing Cooking Mama-inspired minigames while confiding about her issues. She can skateboard around town, hang out with her incredibly muscular aunt, infiltrate a cult of teenagers by proving herself in Tony Hawk-style trick challenges, and more. For how short the game is, there’s plenty of variety; my only real complaint is that while skateboarding for the competitions is fun enough, Jala’s literally incapable of just walking around, and I found skating around town when running errands a bit more irritating than just being able to run would have been due to stopping and changing directions feeling unwieldy. But I’d be remiss not to underscore on how incredibly steeped in culture Thirsty Suitors is, and I don’t just mean one specific one. Because Jala’s a pansexual Indian woman, there’s a lot of focus on queer themes and her relationship with her family, but I can’t emphasize enough just how deep this goes. I’m always grateful to see diverse representation in gaming, but it’s difficult to ignore how corporate it can often feel, an approved level of easily digestible gayness that won’t upset any but the most extreme conservatives. Not so with Thirsty Suitors. Even when interacting with her male exes, Jala is undeniably and proudly queer; from how she dresses to how she talks, there’s an authentic familiarity with the code-switching, the expectations, the cultural hegemony of heteronormative ideals that she’s constantly aware of. In Thirsty Suitors, homophobia and misogyny do not wear the face of ignorant rednecks wielding their bigotry like blunt instruments; they’re more insidious, in a way that’s both heartfelt and surprisingly sad considering the otherwise comedic tone of the game. At one point, Jala wonders if she’d maybe be less messy and problematic if she just ‘played straight’ and married her safe, but boring male ex she used to date. Her non-binary ex, Andile, is muscular and bearded, and questions out loud if they’re obligated to feminize themselves more in order to not be mistaken for male. This isn’t in response to someone calling these characters slurs or dramatic confrontations; it’s the kind of self-examination queer people are simply always pressured to do, that becomes instinct because of the society around them, and sometimes the intrusive thoughts win. But as predominantly queer as the game is, Thirsty Suitors dives just as deeply into other issues. Its examination of Indian culture is both deeply loving and unapologetically critical. Some of the sweetest moments in the game are when Jala is learning a traditional recipe from her father, and it’s clear that she has a lot of love for the culture she hails from. But she’s also seen how immigrating to the United States changed her family, how much her being so queer puts a strain on those who aren’t used to it, the almost primal fear her mother has of her grandmother and how deeply-rooted it is. For such an over-the-top, cartoonish game, these moments are often surprisingly subtle and tense, but the release that comes from resolution is masterfully done, made all the more impressive by the fact it’s often happening during a ridiculous boss fight where Jala powers up through a training montage with her aunt. All that, and there’s still more I could say; this doesn’t even get into how the ‘skateboard cult’ Jala infiltrates is a completely transparent critique of how much teenagers are let down by modern society, and how the destruction of the third space and absence of opportunities to bond leaves them susceptible to harm from those who would exploit them. Thirsty Suitors is an incredible labor of love that wields its humor with finesse to explore just how deeply it affects us to open our hearts to people and how responsible we are for the feelings of others. If it were a walking simulator or adventure game, I’d still like it, but the fact it so elegantly juggles this with a fully-fledged battle system, skateboarding game, and Persona-lite reputation mechanic means it’s also a videogame-ass videogame, and a great one at that.

滑板+全程QTE游戏，但滑板做得糙，QTE太重复（还有致死量左摇杆转圈），我到现在也不认为回合制+QTE是什么好设计。好在可以进选项把辅助全开然后就能把本作当成一个带有烹饪要素的普通RPG来玩，中等难度没什么卡点打不过就哭爹喊娘，整体体验还可以。 剧情篇幅不够还硬开三条线，搞得都挺一般，也就段子还行。 一是社会整体代际冲突，具体到游戏里就是老一辈把福享光撇下个衰败的镇子还要对着迷茫的青少年指指点点说他们太叛逆不努力。这条线中期就跑偏到感情路线结尾更是不明所以给出个to be continued。 二是主角各路前任组成的复仇者联盟，个顶个的苦大仇深黑洞重力结果除了主推全员初见斩杀。给人感觉是大家都已经走出来就差层窗户纸刚好让主角嘴炮捅破完成心理治疗而不是真想要闹个大的，但整这么轻又和其中几位的履历对不上，尤其是其中一位的复仇理由是上有重病的爹、下有需要照顾的妹妹的当口主角玩失踪。整条线给我感觉是高高举起轻轻放下。 唯一一条写得有点意思的是主角家庭线，经典亚洲原生家庭，内含强势的妈、和稀泥的爸等一系列能引发PTSD的内容，也囊括了游戏里大多数让人苦笑的段子。但问题是为了结尾的大团圆写得太收最后只剩段子，主角她家相当开明，主角妈最大的要求实际是主角别到处再续前缘赶紧和她的变性爱人稳定下来，看得和天书一样。通篇看下来最有意思的是强势妈年轻时也是反叛过来的，结果有了孩子不免还是走回归性原理玩为了你好那套。 至于主角这种从小学开始谈恋爱劈腿、中学搞模范情侣搞到全校都嗑、为爱私奔最后还能把闯的祸全圆干净、迷茫了还能自己调整的全才实在没什么参考价值。绝大多数人还是从小被管得太死最后成了循规蹈矩的做题机器，有反抗的念头但真一放松又完全不知道该往哪走最后人均给自己找个肖申克监狱住进去才安心的倒霉蛋。 额外的：结尾的奥特曼和梅原大吾梗还挺逗的。

A great little creative game that surprised me quite a bit. It's wacky, really charming with some of the design choices made (the over the top animations is so good), serious and interpersonal, and just overall a pretty neat game despite some of its jankiness. It resolves itself a bit too quick at times, but the premise is great. You play as Jala who is a queer Indian woman in her mid 20s who has come back to her hometown after running away from it unceremoniously—she is a mess, and simply needs time to find herself whilst also attempting to redeem herself for anything she's done in the past. However, the big surprise is that your sister is getting married within the month and your grandmother is also going to visit, so literally everything is going to blow up within the family as the reunion is going to kick off. The gameplay itself is very simple from the turn based combat and quick time event cooking, but it really allows for the focus to be on Jala's relationship with others and her parents. Jala will continuously be given an opportunity to talk it out with others during these regular gameplay beats which I thought was great. Plus, I should mention that the skating was something neat to just chill out with as it's the natural way that Jala goes about town—it does get challenging/demanding, but you can always just throw in the towel at the more optional stuff. It does affect your characters level, but you can always just play on an easier difficulty if you don't want to engage with it.

Thirsty Suitors is a game full of endless wit and charm that is bound to win even the most cynical of minds by the end of its first act. Despite a rushed conclusion, it is an experience that will resonate with many and stay in their hearts long after playing to completion, with kickflipping traversal staying a joy throughout, and writing that more than carries a simple and somewhat repetitive combat system.

I LOVED this game. I loved it so much I 100%ed the achievements. The story was amazing. It was both full of heart and wittiness. The characters were well written and felt unique. The cooking was a lot of fun. It was a good introduction for me to Indian familial culture and I hope it did a good job representing it (but I'm not part of that community so I can't say whether or not it was accurate). Skating everywhere and doing tricks was fun too. I'm very grateful getting S Rank on all the skate challenges was not required because the ones where you had to balance on the different sides of your board were incredibly difficult both on keyboard and controller for me. I don't think I did better than C or D on any of them. That was very clunky control-wise. Overall I do recommend! <3

Небольшая игра с замечательно интегрированными в битвы хорошо прописанными диалогами, сделано с душой, про эмоции, порой забавно, персонажи хоть и не совсем привлекательные, но убедительные. Вот где слово может оказаться главным оружием! Сюжет, как у прогрессивного индийского фильма про межнациональные отношения наподобие Непохищенная невеста. Хорошо проработаны мысленные диалоги с собой. 3,5/5,0

I love this game. The whole game I kept getting Psychonaut vibes with the gameplay of Persona. There is so much to do and every side game like skating or making food is so addictive. I have never really posted a review but this game spured me to passion. The battles are creative and hard and the story is relatable and funny. I could tell all of this was made with love or thirst lol. Please give this game a shot I would personally love to see more like it.