MEDIEVAL WARRIOR SIMULATOR

Completely devoid of fun, I cannot express with human language how well this game destroys the most basic of pleasures from a game. The breakdown: Biggest issue plaguing this game is gameplay. It's extremely repetitive and tedious to play. 5-10 minutes of playing this will be more than enough for any reasonable person to reach the same conclusion, everything you see in the trailer is all you get. There is nothing awe inspiring about the combat or enemies. You walk to a group of copy/pasted models, mash LMB until they die, go to slightly different room, do the same thing. Every single time, there is NO variety in this trash heap game at all.

Oh where to begin... From the developer of hits such as the MELONS MILKSHAKE series and TITS OK TITS FINE series, comes the masterpiece known as MEDIEVAL WARRIOR SIMULATOR. As the description would suggest, the game allows the player to explore spooky places, heal the warrior, collect potions to heal the warrior, and so much more. But during my play-though, not only was I able to experience the plethora of beautifully crafted masterwork features as advertised, but I was able to see and do so much more than I ever thought was possible from a video game. The combat is simply invigorating, it makes you feel like a medieval warrior, each hit feels like it holds its own weight, like it holds its own values of right and wrong. And the enemies? Bursting with character and lore, with each of the 6 (SIX) maps, you're able to see the beautifully crafted artisan map work, meticulously crafted over, what I can only assume was years of hard work and dedication. Each map holds its own history, which can be inferred simply by the textures. Not only that, but the repetitive presence of the same enemy alludes to a story of invasion and infestation, of some form of inhuman lifeforms which have already taken over our beloved earth. Our hero in this story, the sole survivor of whichever onslaught occurred prior to his arrival to one of the stunningly visualized maps, is forced to fight through hordes of these creatures, in order to hopefully save his world. Oh woe is me, nay is thy, in this game, it fully immerses you in the combat, not only can you feel the hits, you can also execute an enemy once weakened with one of THREE execution animations, which hold their own bounty of introspection and lore. MEDIEVAL WARRIOR SIMULATOR is one of the biggest sleeper hits of 2024, and will always hold its place in my heart forcibly without consent.