LongPath

It's an insult to even call this a "game" but I will call it that to simplify this review. I'm only doing this so that other people such as yourself, don't get suckered into purchasing it, like I did. [Insert Long Breath Rant] Now answer me this. Have you ever played a game that was so terrible that you immediately uninstalled before you even had a chance to think about what it is that you are doing before you did it at an attempt to save yourself every last nano second of time that you spent wasting away playing that particular flavor of doo doo? Well that's this game. You can swing your sword and you can move your character using the D-Pad against a green tented background. That's the majority of the "game", with the occasional slaying of enemies, who's AI is worse than Anthem’s upon the initial release. You obtain health after walking several hallways until you get to mini boss events and if you defeat the challenge you awarded a heart piece, not be be confused with a heart container. Did I mention that A & B are swapped but B doesn't do anything at all? That's right, you can't; inspect, read, pickup, throw, jump, dash, bring up menus, check inventory, switch weapons, pause, etc. I know it's EA but this isn't that. It's basically a placeholder that tries to trick folks into buying what appears to be a retro style Zelda game but it isn't that whatsoever. STEAM you are failing so hard in your QA/QC (not to mention a million other things but I digress). TLDR; Folks this is utter trash with some ok music. Trrust me whne I say, "Hard pass on this!" ---{Graphics}--- ☐ Eye Explosions ☐ Beautiful ☐ Good ☐ Decent ☑They'll do. ☐ Bad ☐ Ewwwww. ☐ MS Paint ---{Gameplay}--- ☐ Try not to get addicted ☐ Very good ☐ Good ☐ Nothing great ☐ Ehh ☐ Bad ☑ Just dont ---{Audio}--- ☐ Eargasm ☐ Very good ☑ Good ☐ Decent ☐ Not too bad ☐ Bad ☐ Earrape ---{Audience}--- ☐ SJWs (Nameplates..) ☐ Kids ☐ Teens ☐ Adults ☑ Everyone ---{PC Requirements}--- ☑ Check if you can run paint ☐ Potato ☐ Minimum ☐ Decent ☐ Fast ☐ Rich boi ☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer ---{Difficulity}--- ☑ Do you own a pair of arms ☐ Easy ☐ Some brain usage ☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☐ Not so easy ☐ Difficult (cheap deaths) ☐ Dark Souls ---{Grind}--- ☑ Nothing ☐ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks ☐ Isnt necessary to progress ☐ A bit grindy sometimes ☐ Average grind level ☐ Too much grind ☐ Runescape without bots ---{Story}--- ☑ Doesnt have ☐ Something isnt nothing I guess ☐ Not great ☐ Average ☐ Good ☐ Lovely ☐ Tears of joy but also pain ---{Game Time}--- ☐ Long enough for a cup of tea ☐ Short ☐ Average ☐ Long ☑ Depends on u ☐ Endless ---{Price}--- ☐ Just buy it ☐ Worth the price ☐ Wait for sale ☐ Maybe if u have some spare money left ☐ Not recommended ☑ Don't throw money into the trash ---{Bugs}--- ☐ Never had any ☐ Minor bugs ☐ Few bugs ☐ Can get annoying ☑ Ruining the game ☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs ---{Multiplayer}--- ☑ None- (But Community Event's) ☐ "Your mum" ☐ Ehh ☐ Thatsa pretty gut ☐ Dying light ---{Review Salt Level}--- ☐ None ☐ Barely anything ☐ Balanced ☑ A bit of salt ☐ Salty ☐ Salt overload I will continue to monitor to see if the Dev (I can't imagine there's more than one) does anything with this. If they decided to do something with the game, I'll go back and alter my review to reflect as such. I am of the opinion that developers deserve all criticism of their poor products for releasing them in such a rubbish state. When devs do this, they saturate the market with junk that "we" the consumer, must then have to sort through, to find a sliver of a game worth playing. I'll be decent once the developer treats us with some decency. /end_rant Also, Epstein didn't kill himself..