I had heard tale of a wonderful place. People told me, "There's a mystical land where the achievements are plenty, thousands of achievements available. All you had to do was move stuff around". Supposedly you could exhaust this place of thousands of achievements in about 90 hours. My eyes glistening at the thought of all those achievements. I packed my bags, and set out for the promised land of the British Isles.
After buying my depot in Ely, I was astonished to discover almost half the roads in this land were in need of repair. I don't know where my council tax went, but it wasn't being spent on fixing potholes. After calling up the council's hotline, I was told there were no couriers or delivery drivers available to deliver the materials needed to fix the roads. Sensing a business opportunity, I started transiting raw material from the local gravel pit and rock quarry's to get some roads fixed. Along the way, I found towns desperate for resources. The mayor of a small town of a few thousand people, told me the populace were desperate for shoes, they wanted 40,000 pairs of them. Why did so few people want so many shoes, it didn't matter, as long as I got an achievement. I made it my mission, as long as I got an achievement for it, I would help out every soul in this country.
I tried my best to satisfy the demands of each town, but I came across more and more roads that could not simply be fixed by dumping rocks in a pothole. I needed steel. I knew from a local tv show called 'Doctor Who', that there was a city to the north called Sheffield, that was famous for its steel. To my dismay, I found the foundries cold, for the city was out of iron. I heard a tip that there was an iron mine, famous for its depth, to be found further to the north in Cumbria. Alas, my journey was halted again, by roads that needed steel to be fixed. Attempting to find a way around this catch 22-esque situation, I instead found a road that needed asphalt to be fixed. I knew an asphalt works in Billericay. If I could find a way to bring asphalt here, I could get the iron I need to get the steel I need.
After consulting with my man in Billericay, I was told we'd need a lot more rock for all the asphalt we'd need. The nearby quarry was too small, we'd need to expand with dynamite. After being cautioned that it might not be wise to search "how to make explosives" online, we instead went to find a legal supplier. We found one in Alfreton, however we needed gunpowder, so we went to Waltham Abbey, where we were told we'd need chemicals. So we decided to make a trip to the lovely sounding 'chemical mine' in Loftus. However the way to Loftus was obstructed by a road that needed concrete to be fixed.
I remember from science class, that concrete needed sand and lime. Lime comes from limestone, and I knew one of the most famous limestones in the world was Portland Stone. However the road to Portland needed steel, so I settled for the less famous limestone in Matlock. Then I needed sand, which should've been easy, however every beach I went to forbade me from taking sand. The hunt for sand took hours, I scouted the coast for ages, before eventually discovering we passed a sand quarry in non-coastal Reigate. In hindsight it was obvious, their wikipedia page said several buildings were named after sand. We used the sand to make concrete, repaired the road to Loftus, took chemicals to Waltham Abbey, delivered gunpowder to Alfreton and escorted dynamite to the quarry, which we promptly blew up. I handed over 100 tonnes of rock to my guy in Billericay and told him to make me asphalt. "Cool, I just need oil?" he said. "Oil!?!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, they have some in Swanage, but you'll need to fix the road from Lytchett Matravers and--" I zoned out, I had fixed so many roads already, and still no asphalt, I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
We eventually got oil, I got asphalt, which helped me get iron, which helped me get steel. With all the materials I needed, I set to work. They called me the road fixing king, with my vast reserves of asphalt, steel and concrete, there were no roads our company couldn't fix. With each roads fixed, we were able to deliver more goods, and find more industries. Eventually, we ran out of roads to fix, but we heard tale of another land to the west, one whose roads were also in disrepair. This place, 'Ireland', would require boats to get to. Surely, in a nation famed for its nautical prowess, it would be easy to find boats.
I proceeded to Hull, where the finest shipbuilders in the world resided. However there was a fibreglass shortage that was stopping them making boats. I made my way to the Fibreglass factory in Hailsham, but found the workers on strike. The government refused to deal with them, so I stepped in. "What are your demands?" I asked, assuming it to be about pay or working conditions. "We want 40 tonnes of Mutton, 40 tonnes of Wine, 40 tonnes of Flour, 40 tonnes of Flowers and 40 tonnes of Sugarcane" the union boss said. "But why?" I asked, they refused to tell me.
I headed to the slaughterhouse in Osset for Mutton, but they had no sheep to slaughter. I headed to the sheep farm in Brecon, but the sheep had no oats to eat. I headed to the Oat farm in Sleaford, the workers were on strike. "Let me guess, you want 40 tonnes of food too?" I said. "Nah, we want 16 tonnes of Silica" they said. I headed to Blackburn for Silica.
Eventually, I got the fibreglass I needed to build my boats. Upon setting foot in Ireland, it was worse than I feared. Not only were the roads all broken, but there was almost no industry at all. The only industry I could find, was a silver mine in Omagh. I went to the capital, Dublin, to enquire why all the roads were blocked and all the factories closed. Instead I was told to bring them 4,000,000 magazines. One could one city need with so much celebrity gossip? After filling up with as much silver as I could carry, I left, vowing to return with the knowledge to rebuild this islands industry and get all their achievements.
A long time passed, days spent moving things from one town to the other. The people rejoiced as I brought them exotic goods, rebuilt their factory's and then built new ones on roads that could actually support HGV's. More and more statues were built in my honour, but I was wary. 90 hours seemed like such a long time. More and more time passed, until eventually, every town in Britain was satisfied. I moved my business to Ireland, rebuilding the infrastructure as I went. Eventually I grew tired, Leinster had so many towns connected by so many tiny roads. But after a long time, it was finally done.
With both countries now back on their feet, I sighed. 93 hours it had taken me, 92 hours of my life. I sat atop a pile of 3,000 achievements. Had it been worth it? I mean sure, my knowledge of British geography had grown significantly, but I wasn't so sure... Even now, when I close my eyes to go to sleep, I can still hear it. The noise that preceded each of my many many achievements. *honk* *honk*
