King of Cards

First of all I feel personally attacked by the opening scene in the game. I know I'm a 30 year old loser who lives with their parents and plays video games to escape the disapproval of god and has delusions of one day becoming king even though I can't beat chad at anything so I long for the sweet embrace of truck-kun. I don't need you to rub it in. -The roll text sound that plays during the opening is like scrabble pieces in a bucket and the volume is way to loud. I hated it. -There are no characters. The only dialogue in the game is the inn girl who merely acknowledges that she is a restore HP Stamina and SP(even though the potions restore MP) button. I wanted to flirt with the anime girls. -I skipped the tutorial. you gave me the option but I still couldn't find where any of the stats are explained. I know that's common in video games but if you have a game where you have a set time limit I'd like the option to weigh my options before I spend my non-refundable time and cards trying to figure out how the game numbers work. I recommend add something like in dark souls were you can mouse over or press the select button to get a description of what the numbers do. Also the status screen caused the game to crash. -The steam overlay caused the game to crash. -If I play deck builder/card battle I want to be able to choose which cards I use. I get you're remixing the genre by making the cards consumables (which I didn't find out until an hour into the game btw) but you have to give the player more options. I'd like to be able to pick which of the 3 cards I get instead of just being allowed to look at 2 other cards when I get a new card. I also wish the pricing for the cards were more balanced since cards have an innate value of not being a punch. cheaper cards should be much cheaper and the SP cost quickly became irrelevant since the card cost is so much higher. I also wish what the card does was explained in the card. In ages long past the ancient wisdom of "reading the card explains the card" is as relevant today as it was then. Also the classic design of card synergy shouldn't be overlooked. The way the cards are they are just different flavor of chip, they're all just starch, vegetable oil, and salt/msg. You need to change the substance of what is on offer. -The dojo is dumb. can i just have a single game loop. I played for an hour but the I got pretty sick of the chores quick. Also the strength minigame is an eye exam I had to sit as close as I could to the screen to see the letters and there is no option to replay the minigame with the keyboard controls or at least it didn't tell me there was. So I had to spend half the time moving my arm to the keyboard and it's a struggle for me to go back and forth. Also the minigame can be overlayed with the day/night changing so you can't see the letters. -progression is dumb. I couldn't figure out how the damage numbers work but there are two kinds of fights. Ones were you one or two shot the enemy, you play two cards a turn. And then other fights were you do 0 damage and even though you can git gud and 100% the QTUs like a god it doesn't matter because your cards do 0 damage and the punches do 0 damage so the best choice once you hit floor four is to just die so you can go back to other floors to get experience. Which feels bad because you're actually punished for doing well. It makes the health and defense stats irrelevant as well because they can just be replaced with QTE skill. So i think the only stats left are strength and luck and I have 0 idea what luck does so why even have stats? you're basically just strength locked out of progressing until you do 1 billion typing minigames or grind out exp after doing the die to Chad--> avoid flirting with the inn keeper(I don't like the way the highlights on her sprite clashes with the room lighting btw) --> do the typing minigame --> 2 shot enemies with random cards --> repeat. you can't make a big cool deck because you can't save cards to win. you can't be QTE master to win. It's just a dumb grind. Also I got to the 4th floor at day 20. I don't know the rest of the progression because I'm refunding the game but it seems bad. Even if you fail you're not realistically going to be able to get good enough at the game to win. Also the dying part of the game loop at least needs to be expedited with a suicide button or something. -There is no setting or menu accessible by the options menu. I mean at least let me set the resolution or peak at the keybindings so I know what all the buttons do. F9 could have opened up early access to slay the spire 2 and I wouldn't have known. -the art for the town center was pretty and the attack animations were existent and mid. -you're welcome for the review I'm refunding the game

This game is 100% a joke. - many fights are impossible the moment you don't have spells since attacks deal 0 damage. - none of the sprites make any sense, as you can tell in the trailer already, you have a giant head for no reason, but everyone else seems to have a normal head. - Obvious AI used on some of the major characters, which is weird when the monsters are so well sprited, it leads me to believe that the creator just bought random sprites or ripped them off some place. - super broken english all over the place. - the minigames ARE NOT as shown in the trailer, each minigame lasts about 1 second, in that second you need to either, click 30 times, hit 5 random keys (ex: V,C,T.R.W), or do some other task (idk i didnt bother playing the other minigames after the first 2). The minigames act like they are designed to be in a much longer timeframe, considering it is borderline impossible for a human to click 30CPS or hit 5 random keys in under a second. Honestly this game is an irredeemable mess. I am going to try and play it a bit more, and see if i get somewhere, but it is just so scuffed i dont see how anyone could enjoy it. Steer clear of this mess. edit: i reached 250 gold, and 0 stamina, which means i am now unable to progress. GGGGGGGGGG