Fuck's Quest II

life changing

Free: game was gifted to me. Edit: got the sword, a couple magic spells, and bombs, there's more to this game than at first glance, but with the poor combat controls/maneuverability, and other absurdly hard tasks, like lockpicking, I don't care enough to 'git gud' and continue. It's worth a few bucks to see how long you can tolerate it, lol, I would wait for a sale. The graphics and sound fx are all intentionally terrible. The text/dialog has actual useful info, but buried within tons of trash text about ♥♥♥♥♥ and poop that you have to waste your time with. It was a bit funny at first, but not once you're trying to actually play the game, it just gets in the way. The music is fine, no annoying noises or something like that. The controls and game functionality are how you know the above - it works perfectly, no visual glitches, no other bugs, no issues at all, so there's obviously some skill here, just with a dumb theme. The gameplay is interesting enough. I played into mid-Clean-town and there's lots to see and do and side-quests (maybe? Or is it just more nonsense text?). It's somewhat zelda-like. The combat I've seen up to this point is functional, but not good. Orthogonal movement only, and all I had to fight with is a stick that swings like a sword. It doesn't hurt enemies, just knocks them back out of your way. There's no feedback to suggest whether you're hurting something (usually not). Big boss running at you suddenly? Good luck. The part that annoyed me is needing to run all the way back to where you died, from the Car town graveyard, every time it happens. I may play more of this or not...lol.

Now this is cuisine

This game is much better than I thought it would be. I saw that it was cheap and had the word ♥♥♥♥ in the title so I wanted to support the game even though I didn't think I would stay interested for more than an hour. I'm also a big fan of joke music like Tenacious D and The Bloodhound Gang so I want more games like this to be made. Playing made me slightly sad, however, since I believe if this team made a serious game, they could make a bunch of money. I was pleasantly surprised by the depth of this game and thought there was a good balance of hard parts that made me mad and fun easy parts that you can breeze through. At times I felt like I was playing A Link to the Past. It's nowhere near that good, but just to evoke those memories is pretty impressive. Will keep an eye out for future games from this developer

Genuinely one of the best games I've played this decade. Hilariously juvenile and avant-garde, immensely well-crafted Zelda-like dungeons, tricky boss battles, and a soundtrack I can't stop listening to.

I LOVE ♥♥♥♥'S QUEST

gaming

Though it initially just looked like a funny ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game that was close to right up my alley, ♥♥♥♥'s Quest II is actually a very well-made and competently-designed 2D-Zelda-ish adventure game, complete with dungeons to explore, items to find, and unironically excellent puzzles to solve, all with an absolute banger of a soundtrack playing. That said, sword combat is a bit stiff for my liking, and the 2nd lockpicking puzzle is just absolutely awful, even as a joke. Passes the line of balls-to-the-wall-hard-yet-doable by several miles and seems to exist solely for the purpose of inducing carpal tunnel and repetitive strain injury in whichever finger(s) you use to move, regardless whether you're using a keyboard or controller. I haven't spoiled myself on what you get from it yet, but I'm *really* hoping it isn't important. but yeah no the game's still good though.

If you've got $5, 5+ hours to kill and an extreme tolerance (or perhaps even deep love) for toilet humor, don't pass this game up. It's pretty fun from start to finish (minus those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lock-picking minigames) and is genuinely worth an afternoon if you need a good laugh. Old Newgrounds-tier jokes aside, the gameplay is comparable to that seen in older Zelda titles like Link's Awakening. Travel around the world, find a dungeon, acquire new power-ups, and kill a boss: the quintessential Zelda gameplay loop. This also includes stuff like heart pieces to collect, secret areas to discover that contain unique powerups, and some weird form of currency to collect that can be used to buy new items or top off limited-use items.

This is easily the best LoZ game since The Legend of Zorlda: A Wank at the Post