What can I say about Slappy Board?
It’s a game about simulation, the workplace, medieval times, a hospital, a restaurant, prehistoric times and things, and slapping the ever-loving ♥♥♥♥ out of all of them.
Embark in world where slapping has no consequences, violence has as much meaning as a clickbait article, and people are as long-memoried as goldfish.
That aside, this is a game that is true to my heart and soul, and came to me during a time where people in my office needed to have a free dental procedure, if you know what I mean.
I’ve been following and playing this game for a long time, and through so many iterations that I’ve both directly and indirectly inspired. I remember when this game had asymmetric multiplayer and allowed one person to control and observe through a screen, and while I am a fan of the ol’ asymmetric VR game, let me tell you…it’s not for this game.
As fun as it is to watch someone play Slappy Board, you know what isn’t fun? Waiting for your friend to collect their brain cells and remember that without being at the helm this now-obscure and older version of the game didn’t run itself.
So what is it like now?
A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ masterpiece, that’s what.
I currently live in a time and age where I work in an office environment, yet have to suffer with an army of those who scored lower on their SATs, ACTs, and IQTs. Where does this leave me? With hot hands and teeth being ground down as I don’t have the time or patience to deal with HR after explaining to them each and every individual reason and facet behind why they’re dumb, and their ideas are both stupid and impractical.
Am I an angry person? No, but people in real life sure ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ push my limits, so this game is perfect for me since it allows me to vicariously live out my office slappacre fantasies. I enjoy naming everyone in the office after people who I actually have to work with, then throwing them out the window. I enjoy putting on my favorite tunes that get me in the mood to hit people (Smack my ♥♥♥♥♥ Up, Hit a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, etc.) and go absolutely wild. But enough about me, let’s talk about the pros.
Pros:[list][*]Interactable and slappable environment.
[*]Satisfying slapping sounds
[*]Powerslap
[*]Scenarios for you to borrow from in case you’re too boring or tired to come up with your own.
[*]Variety in places, levels, and hidden items
[*]Interactive environments with dragons and dinosaurs to slap, along with other inanimate objects to mess with.[/list] The only other game that gave me as much items to interact with were VR Kanojo and Alyx, and that is a very short list. Until Higgs mod in Skyrim even Fallout and Skyrim didn’t give me as many ways to interact with an open and simulated world, but this game did.
Cons:[list][*]There’s only so many levels[/list] In a game like this I want more, which means I want you to buy it so that the devs get the money and time to make more. I’d like there to be a world tour where we visit iconic countries and landmarks, maybe bigger environments like a golf country club or amusement park with roller coasters to slap, but the team is only three amazing people—seriously, the best group of devs you can meet right now--and slap in the credits if you buy this game. Their discord is an amazing place to hang out and post memes about how you want the demo to come back, or ask if they can patch the game so your possible world-breaking lightning-fast slaps register.
As I mentioned earlier I’ve been following this game since it first hit Steam, and I’ve seen it go through so many changes, all of them good. The devs are one of the good ones who will only make this game better with time, and I encourage you to support them.
I’ve gotten all of my friends to at least check it out once, and even got one friend so involved that their Discord name is in the game along with mine.
When you find the red stapler, think of me.
At this price point you’d have to either be unemployed or a child to turn your nose up at it.
I’ve seen the one negative review for this game, and I know what you’re thinking: do they have a good point?
No, they don’t. They use a ten-point rating system (which is for tools) and enjoy Five Nights at Freddy’s…which attracts…[i]that[/i] sort of crowd. If you have ten points and give a review a “?/10” why even have the points to begin with? Why even write a review? Figure out what you want from games before playing them.
5/5 – I slapped my coworkers before throwing them out of a window, and you should too.
