[h1][i]Oh no, they say, he's got to go
Go go Godzilla~ ♪[/i]
~Blue Öyster Cult[/h1]
It all started in 1989. I know, I know. Another one of those long and boring reviews that start with old geezer talking 'bout ancient history. But it'll all make sense, bear with me. [i]Anyway.[/i] Like I said, it all started in 1989, when [b]MAXIS[/b] released [b]Will Wright[/b]'s [b]Sim City[/b]. Naturally. I mean, it was only 1989 and [b]MAXIS[/b] was founded by [b]Will[/b] and [b]Jeff Braun[/b] only a couple of years ago. No [b]EA[/b] on the horizon for a pretty long time. The guys were fully in control of their ideas. And their ideas? Were awesome. It was a turning point. Despite [b]Sim City[/b] being only the second [b]MAXIS[/b]' game, it established the whole city-building genre, spawned a very long [b]Sim[/b] series (yes, the history of [b]The Sims[/b] started back then too), etc, etc, etc. We all know the story. But let's talk about [b]Sim City[/b]. The first one.
Like I said, it established city-building genre the way we know it today, but aside from all the awesome things about establishing our own city with the detailed infrastructure, there was also a twist that made it all even more special. The literal twist. The one we can see on the box. The changed one that is, but we'll return to that later. While looking on the most common [b]Sim City[/b] cover, you can see two things – the city (obviously) and the tornado. See where this is going? Yeah. Aside from building the city and doing your very best to make things working there, there was also an option (and let me quote [b]Duke Nukem[/b] here because why the heck not) to get [i]medieval[/i] on it. And you know what? There was a certain magic in it.
Maybe it was just seven years old me rebelling but somehow destroying everything huge cities felt... fun. It was the same kind of fun with, say, causing havoc in early (and maybe modern, because what the heck) [b]GTA[/b] titles. [i]We were not supposed to do that![/i] Yet, let's just admit it, we all did that. Destroying things just because. With no special goal or reason. Personally, I wasted countless hours causing floods, fire, tornado and doing other [i]nasty things[/i], but my favorite [b]Sim City[/b] disaster was, of course... the monster. You know. The one that was shown on the initial cover of the game. The one [b]MAXIS[/b] was forced to replace. [i]Because it was a f*cking [b]Godzilla[/b]![/i] That's right. In good ol' [b]Sim City[/b] we were able to summon King of the Monsters himself! Not only that, there was also a scenario, in which “monster” attacked [b]Tokyo[/b]. In 1961. Which was obviously a nod to those awesome Shōwa era movies all kaijū fans know and love. [i]How cool was that?![/i] The answer is cool. [i]Very[/i] cool.
And [i]now[/i] to our usual question. Why am I telling you all that? The thing is, what we've got here? Is pretty much that. [b]Kaiju-A-GoGo[/b] (am I the only one who hears [b]Wham![/b]'s song in a head? Is that too much 80s for one review? Is there such thing as too much 80s?) is a game, in which you take control of the monster and go ([i]go go, [b]Godzilla[/b]![/i]) to destroy the city. Which city? Well, that's the best part. The game comes with a selection of real cities. With real landmarks. Naturally, there's gonna be [b]Tokyo[/b] (no kaijū game should be allowed to exist without [b]Tokyo[/b]), you can destroy [b]Eiffel Tower[/b] in [b]Paris[/b], [b]Gherkin[/b] in [b]London[/b], etc. But most importantly... Yes. You can pay a visit to [b]moscow[/b] and rip [b]kremlin[/b] a new one ψ(｀∇´)ψ
In other words yeah. [b]Kaiju-A-GoGo[/b] is a game that takes “monster” from [b]Sim City[/b] and makes him a main dish. There's more than that, though. Global map, for example, is an obvious nod to [b]X-COM[/b] (original or reboot, doesn't matter, that part is pretty much the same in both). You can change speed, you can choose destination, and, of course, interception is a thing too. Like, on the way to another (doomed) city, your monster can get interrupted by some pesky enemies. Tanks, helicopters... All those act a lot like [b]X-COM[/b] interceptors. Except you're the one who would rather avoid them now. You also get your own secret base. Except it feels more like something from [b]Evil Genius[/b] series than [b]X-COM[/b]. Because you are not just some mysterious dude now, you're a mad scientist, who didn't spend six years in [b]Evil Medical School[/b] to be called mister, thank you very much. Naturally, like any evil genius, you've got your own island (very evil, of course) and you're gonna use it as a base for your operations. [i]Evil[/i] operations.
You will brutally clear some territory for your impure structures. You'll do some sinister researches. And, of course, you'll install some ominous upgrade on your kaijū to make it even more powerful. And you know what? You'll sure need those. Because cities here are not nearly as helpless as in [b]Sim City[/b]. They won't just look at you having fun. They will fight back and actually causing enough havoc to make city to surrender to your evil will is gonna be quite a challenge (especially since it's hard to hit a bloody thing here, but more 'bout that later). Despite [b]DEFCON[/b] being a [b]US[/b] thing, the entire planet will have it in this game and the more you push – the more resistance you'll face. Be prepared and keep in mind that most of the time stealing some resources from ruined buildings and then retreat to your base and upgrade is the best strategy. [b]Kaiju-A-GoGo[/b] is not just a “press left mouse button to win” game. It's a proper experience. On paper, at least.
Sounds great, huh? To me, it sure does. If something, I wanted something like this for ages. On paper? Like I said, [b]Kaiju-A-GoGo[/b] is pretty great. You manage your base, you upgrade your monster, you attack cities, you collect stuff there (destroying different buildings will provide different benefits, like destroying banks will give you money, destroying the universities will give you knowledge and so on) and you prepare for another attack until, finally, the whole world will be on its knees. [i]But[/i].
First, and most importantly, this game is terribly, [i]terribly[/i] made. Up to the point where [b]UI[/b] won't scale to your resolution. You've got poor eyesight like yours truly? You're screwed. I literally pushed my nose against the screen in order to see numbers. Even the global map itself won't scale properly! Unlike some other 2D strategies with the similar problem, it won't make the game unplayable, but yeah, it won't look good. The game also likes to crash. A lot. And [b]DLC[/b] (some kaijū and skins for 'em are sold separately because money) only makes things worse. Up to the point where certain monsters can render the game unbeatable. Did [b]Kerberos Productions[/b] try to save the game? Well... They did provide some minor updates now and then for about a year, but all in all – nope. What we have here is an abandoned project.
And that's what ultimately kills [b]Kaiju-A-GoGo[/b]. It comes with all sorts of the right ideas, yet neither of them work due to a bad implementation. Global map feels limited and broken, interceptors and other enemies act like there's no AI behind 'em, base management is laughably unpolished and unbalanced due to overall randomness (the game just don't give you enough info on how and where to get the right resources), city maps clearly need more work and feel more like something from [b]1989[/b] than what they were supposed to be here (despite having all sorts of objects, most of them are mostly for looks), it's laughably hard to hit enemies (those guys are fast and tiny, while their hit boxes are all messed up), there are crashes (all while you can't save during the battles), there are game-breaking bugs and so on. In other words, no matter how you look at it, this here is a no-no. Sometimes the right ideas come to the wrong heads. Dixi.
