Chair F*cking Simulator

One quiet morning, as the first light touched the world, a philosopher stirred with a realization that transcended mere logic. It wasn’t a quest for truth or virtue that called to him, but a profound, undeniable yearning—a desire to truly connect with the humble chair. He refused to let this remain a ghost of a thought; instead, he poured his entire being into creating this masterpiece. This is not a game with a story, because the story is yours to live. There are no voices to guide you, no NPCs to demand your time, and no side quests to distract from the truth. In this quiet space, there is only a man and a singular, burning devotion: the heart’s honest pull toward the chair. To the world, it may seem like just another digital curiosity. But for those who understand the quiet beauty of the form, this is a sanctuary. It is a love letter written in more than just code; it is a work where soul, guts, and heart were woven into every fiber. Chair ******** Simulator 10/10 — A masterpiece of the spirit.

Thanks to this game, now people are calling me sick gooner and perv :)

I love ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chairs

The

The meme of this game is stronger than the game, and that sucks. This game is funny for a minute. Maybe TWO. But the joke wears off far too fast. Honestly, I WANTED to be surprised. I WANTED there to be more here than the humour and absurd title. Maybe SOME addictive gameplay. Maybe SOMETHING deeper. But nope. This game is pretty shallow. Full disclosure, this was bought for me as a gift, and that does matter. Most people buying this know exactly what they’re getting into. They buy the meme, get a quick laugh, and move on. Ironically, there is a real gameplay loop here. There is actual effort and real design. The problem is that none of it gives enough value back to the player. The Good - It’s cheap. - This is a real rhythm game. You do have to listen, match the speed, and pay attention to what each chair wants. - The game is functional enough that my brain still wanted to do a "good job." - There really is more effort here than most people will notice. The chairs have unique personalities, animations, sound effects, and enough weird variation that I was genuinely surprised at some of them. The Not-So-Good - Once you understand the loop, there is basically nothing deeper waiting for you. - There is no meaningful progression, no satisfying reward, and no real reason to keep going beyond the meme. - It being single-player hurts it even more. Some kind of co-op or versus mode would have added WAY more value. - Effort is not the same thing as value. Just because work went into it does not mean it deserves your hour, your money, or my recommendation. - The music is bad. Like. Genuinely bad. Turn it off if you're playing. - The whole experience feels like watching a car accident. You keep going because you want to see the next cursed chair or gross little surprise. - The problem is that curiosity is carrying the ENTIRE experience, and curiosity is not the same thing as fun. - Once the novelty wears off, there is nothing underneath it strong enough to justify your time. I understand the positive reviews. I really do. Those people bought the joke and got what they wanted. For me, that’s just not enough. Most games should be able to give you at LEAST 4 hours of fun. This one couldn’t even comfortably give me one.

For $2 it's probably worth it. The reason I'm leaving a review is to point out a nice tribute to (I assume) a developer's late friend and a bunch of cool easter eggs: If you f*ck two or more chairs and go to the chair tinder screen and type [i]"RIPEli"[/i], there is a 1 in 6 chance that a konami code gets activated for the next chair f*cking scene where a photo of someone named Eli will appear partially transparent behind one of the nearby pillars. I stumbled upon this accidentally when decompiling the game to make a small mod, but there's also a lot of other codes that I'll put here for anyone who wants to try them: [code] KonamiCodeCheat UnlockGooglyEyeOption UnlockMoanSFXOption DeleteAllPlayerData ScreenshotMode RandomizeBones ResetBones TheChorus [/code] There is also a 1 in 6 chance for "[spoiler] The Observer [/spoiler]" to appear in the window, but only if you've f*cked 6 or more chairs.

My therapist recommended me this game