I have been a steam member since June 15th 2017 when I purchased Terraria. I've wasted so much money on so many games. Been through so much ♥♥♥♥ in my life. I felt as if all the trials and tribulations I faced were some sick joke by god. Anything I do, feels like its for nothing. But that all changed. Ohhh it changed big time. When the composer for Hephaestus Games's jazzy top-down arena shooter "Stopping Santa", whom I am close friends with, reached out to me informing me of the game's release, I thought, "fine, nothing matters." I shelled out the last dollar and ninety-nine cents I had left after my alimony payments, medical bills for my late dog who died of a broken heart last fall, and my drinking addiction that has cost me all of my friends and family, I loaded in to the main menu of "Stopping Santa". The very micro-instant I was graced with the majestic main menu ui and frankly arousing background music, my mind was transported to the 143rd plane of existence, and I felt as if I had been gut punched by a benign goddess of world peace and tranquility. I'm telling you, it was an experience like nothing i had ever felt before. And that was just the main menu screen. I punched in my real name (White Morpheus) into the leaderboard, my fingers trembling with every letter, but before I pressed start, I quite honestly needed more time to savor the main menu. I went to the settings page, holding my eyes, unblinking, millimeters from my computer monitor, just poring over every last letter and slider in those settings. I thought of what was going through the developer's heads when they were deftly crafting each of these gorgeous settings. I studied the font, down to the kerning and serifs, I wondered, "Was this intentional? Or a miraculous product of mother nature's entropy?" My eyes were so red from looking at the screen for hours and hours my therapist asked me if I had been drinking again. I chuckled. "What's so funny?" She said. "Oh nothing," I replied, "It's just... how could I even think about picking up the bottle when I could be stopping santa?" She shot me a worried look. "Sorry, what? Like, santa claus?" I laugh again, and shake my head. "Oh silly therapist, you wouldn't get it." Anyway, I repeated this for about three months. Just studying each beautiful detail of that main menu. I didn't want to press start. I thought, "What if the game is somehow... not as good as the main menu? What if I'm disappointed?" I realized that good things come to those who wait, but not to those who wait too late, so I had to go for all I knew. I inputted "White Morpheus" and took the plunge. And oh. My. North. Pole. It was just like the first time but... oh... so much more magical. My hair stood up on end. I couldn't stop crying. I'm pretty sure I ♥♥♥♥ my pants. The gameplay it was just... it was so simple... but so perfect... simple but perfect. I felt like like I was really the mercenary in the game... I had his clothes... his personality... his hopes and dreams... all I could think in my mind was "I must stop santa. For the elves, for the environment, for all the little children who got cheap toys, i HAVE to stop him." It was as if one moment I was pressing play and the next... I had finally fallen, snapped back to my reality. But I was not sad. The mercenary had resolve, he had HOPE. He HAD to stop santa no matter the cost, and not even death would keep him from his duty. I shed a single tear as I finally realized. I am the mercenary. I am the mercenary in my own life, facing trials, not for some reward, but because i have a DUTY. The united nations are my self-actualization, and they have hired me, the mercenary to stop santa, my fears and insecurities. All the little elves, reindeer, and mall santas are like my real life problems, both internal and external. And they will keep coming in endless waves in increasingly greater numbers, all to prevent me from stopping santa. Stopping "Santa Claus", my inner demons. Just like real life the enemies will never stop, but I will get better as I keep failing. I will get cool powerups like hearts and score multipliers and bullet upgrades. I am the mercenary, and the mercenary is me. As long as I keep moving forward I will stop santa. So I think the game is worth 2 dollars honestly.
