Before I start my review,I would like to say Bloody Bear has an absolute masterpiece on their hands. This game truly transcends the way we think of gaming as an entertainment medium. That might make you laugh,but it's honestly true. Within the first 10 minutes,I've witnessed some of the most high-octane,pulse-pounding,heart-riveting gameplay I've ever seen. Before the end of this review,I will have convinced you that Spooky Men is an easy 10/10 GOTY.
First off,you start off in front of a normal house. It's very quaint,very old,very English,has some tactful layouts,the usual things you would expect...then the demon shows up! He's rather prickly,but he wants to give me a hug. Before he can give me a hug though,a car crashes through the roof on top of him,squishing him into a crimson stain! The guy who steps out of the car then says "You're in my parking space," to which I say, "I do what I want!" BOOM! His brain explodes from one .45 shell of my magnum! I steal his car,I put it into reverse,gliding out the way he came in & I'm now in an alternate universe!
PHERRRM!!! A laser flies over me! I see a war happening!!!! I stop my car,a high-tech guy with welding goggles on says, "TAKE THIS!" He tosses me a 180 degree laser cannon! I pull the trigger!!!! ALMOST THE ENTIRE ENEMY FACTION IS WIPED OUT! However,one guy survived: A scary mammoth guy in a suit! He says "You're gonna die!" I respond by tossing my trusty Supernova-3081 grenade into his mouth! He swallows it! His entire body expands at an alarming rate before KABOOM!!!! HE'S NOTHING BUT INTESTINES,LUNGS,& LIVER JUICE!!!
The war wasn't over though! Before he died,he summoned his army of robot penguins from HELL!!!! We were being overrun,but I said: "DON'T FALTER,MEN! REMEMBER YOUR CREED: PENGUINS ARE LIKE CANDIES! YOU EAT THEM ALL BEFORE BARFING INTO A TOILET ON LATE SUNDAY NIGHT,SURROUNDED BY HOOKERS & GOLD WATCHES!" Thanks to my infallible speech,we were taking the fight swiftly,little effort necessary! There was one penguin who posed a threat though: The Suicide Penguin. He was ready to blow up the entire landscape to win the war,ignoring the risk he would be in!!! Fortunately,I packed my W.A.R.P Gun device in my suitcase! I activate it,he is sucked into the wormhole I planted on the moon,he and I fight it out as he detonates,it all fades to white,& I'm back where I started: The old English house with the tactful layouts.
I was so shocked at what I just played,I ran for my fridge,shoved some cold beers into my jeans,& started doing the Macarena while blindfolded. I hope you walk away being as enlightened by this game as I was. Thank you & good night.
