Oddest Sea

I aint no professional speedrunner, yet I dun gone finished these here "game" in 120 seconds. In all honesty it's a running simulator in a boat. No story, no context. Feels like an introductory level to a game, rather than a fully published game.

I was like, Yay! Let's go Sailing! kinda seems like "sunless sea" in 3d! ITS NOT!! ITS NOTHING!! The game lasted a grand total of three minutes. I thought i did it wrong, i was like, wait? Did i have a stroke? I checked my watch. Nope. I tried again, it crashed. I was like, mmm maybe a setting is off? I'll just check options... wait, where the hecc are options? THERE ARE NO OPTIONS!! no configuration, okay. maybe if i do it again i can get some of those achievements? I couldn't. My completionist OCD kicked in, and my eye began to twitch more than Louisa in Encanto when the magic starts to die. I decided to try again. There's no way that was it! I've wasted 5 bucks before, but even in Vegas I got farther on five than this game delivered. Could have at least gave me a happy and put me to sleep. Nope. The bones load in on the horizon, and my boat starts to fly. It was higher than i was, and that's saying something! Then suddenly it dipped deep below the waves, so i tried to like, make it more interesting by holding my breath until my ship surfaced. I woke up on the floor with a large gash on my head. I'm pretty sure that means i drowned. The sharks never did get me, but the bouys sure did! They clipped through my ship and held me in place. I was like, i need to get out of here! help! help! I'm stuck in an inanimate object, just like that time i did salvia! I tried to look for the options menu again. oh right, there are no options. Okay, so i was looking for the exit button. THERE IS NOT AN EXIT BUTTON! I just pressed ALT+F4. Nothing happened, and i began to panic. Finally, it decided to close, but not after giving me that little spinning icon and making me all sorts of dizzy, which, in addition to the controlled substances and the concussion I sustained, was more than enough to say that this is the worst game i've ever played on steam. And i've played "rollercoaster tycoon" Stay away, me hearties! Argh. The sea be a harsh mistress indeed, but, mateys, this sea be a stalker girlfriend who sleeps on your doorstep and then stabs you with a broken broom before stealing all your pets and selling your television. 0/10. would not Oddest Sea again. I have to go to the hospital now for my concussion.