100 Men VS Gorilla

고릴라 승!

There has been a [b]crazy amount[/b] of gaming news these past few weeks. The Nintendo Switch 2 finally dropped; leaving [i]half the world saying that [b]Mario Kart World was worth every penny[/b] with the other half screaming that[/i] [b]Nintendo scammed them once again and that [i]they won't keep getting away with this!!! [/i] [/b] [spoiler] (and then there's me playing Mario Kart Wii without a single care in the world). [/spoiler] [b]Deltarune[/b] finally released after like half a decade of build up, and [i]I have no jokes here.[/i] I'm probably going to get it really soon, and [i]it's going to be awesome.[/i] And then there are games that just came out of nowhere and are [b]blowing people's minds[/b], like [b]R.E.P.O. , Clair Obscur, and [i]Creepy Claus. [/i] [/b] And while that's all well and good, [i]no one seems to be talking about what REALLY matters.[/i] [b]Enter 100 Men VS Gorilla.[/b] Yeah, [i]I review whatever I want[/i]. you have a problem with that? Now, [b]100 Men VS Gorilla[/b] is [i]exactly[/i] what it sounds like: [b]you put a hundred dudes in one tiny arena with beeg monke, and watch them tear each other apart. [i]E n t e r t a i n m e n t ! [/i] [/b] The game is basically just one very long, [i]unbearably hard[/i] bossfight; with you controlling every single one of these hundred dudes [i]individually[/i]. Aside from the [u]WASD[/u] movement; your only abilities are [i]jump, dodge[/i], and [b]throw a super manly punch[/b]. But [i]as you know[/i], gorillas are [b]tough cookies[/b]; so it's going to take maybe like a THOUSAND punches to knock one of these guys out. And it's not like the gorilla is [i]just going to sit there and take the beating[/i], [b]no[/b]; as the beast has a number of attacks of its own; such as the [b]ground pound[/b], the [b]double hand slap[/b], and [b]the [i]super manly punch. [/i] [/b] It only takes [b]one hit[/b] to kill one of our volunteers, in which you'll then instantly switch to the next [i]sucker[/i] [spoiler](...sorry; that's just a typo... . . p-please just sign the contract already to win millions!!);[/spoiler] who can [i]also[/i] be snapped apart in one hit. The process continues until [i]either[/i] the gorilla is down, or [b]one hundred men die the most pointless and painful death imaginable[/b]. ...they probably had families, man. [i]probably desperate to get some food on the table.[/i] [spoiler]probably saving up for the HD release of Love Love Joe Biden on the Switch 2.[/spoiler] Anyway, [b]no surprises here[/b], but surprisingly fun! Let's talk about the production values. The game is called [b]100 Men VS Gorilla[/b]. [i]it's two dollars.[/i] like, what are you even expecting to find??.....[i]I don't know[/i], but it's honestly better than I thought. Despite having the durability of a toothpick, you can customize each of your men with a surprisingly [i]pretty fun[/i] character creator, letting you change the hair, face, skin; and giving you about a dozen or so outfits to choose from. If you don't feel like dealing with all that, the game itself will just randomize everything -[i]including names[/i]- leading to some pretty funny scenarios. My longest lasting man, for instance, was a [b]hot-pink skinned dude wearing a tuxedo top with no pants while sporting a slick mohawk, whose name was [i]JOHN CAULIFLOWER. [/i] [/b] [spoiler]gone, but never forgotten.[/spoiler] The dead guys don't disappear or anything either, making the body count [i]really pile up[/i] during the later stages of the game. Everything has physics too; so you can trip up and kick around your comrades while running, and there's an [b]explosion of men[/b] every time [b]beeg monke does [i]his ground pound. [/i] [/b] Not all the humor is that morbid, though; as if you stand still long enough in game, [spoiler]your character begins Fortnite dancing. [/spoiler] [b]peak comedy.[/b] The gorilla itself looks pretty sharp; with a character model that I [i]unironically[/i] find much more appealing than the [b]Skull Island: Rise of Kong[/b] characters (it's been over two years, and that game still fascinates me.. who the heck thought it was okay to release it like that???). Even the battlefield looks pretty alright! It's not much more than [i]a tiny island in the middle of nowhere[/i], but it's got some pretty jungle scenery, and the water effects don't look half bad. However, even though it's a cheap game about [i]fighting beeg gorilla[/i], [b]prepare for some [i]nitpicking [/i] [/b]. For starters, it's ironic, really, that the game actually looks its worst at what is supposed to be the [b]“best”[/b] graphic setting; which just adds some [i]heavily[/i] glitching lighting and shadow effects with a [i]vomit inducing side[/i] of motion blur. [b]beautiful[/b]. While the game runs remarkably well even with [b]90 dead bodies flopping about on screen[/b], the frame rate [i]does[/i] noticeably start dropping along with your men. The game mispells fight as [b]“figt”[/b] in the options menu, [i]which is weird[/i] because they spell it correctly everywhere else. And, I realize there's only so much you can ask for here, but it would've been really nice if there was a bit more variety. A couple more tracks would've been cool (a King Kong style fight in the streets of New York City would've been absolutely epic), it would've been awesome to have a choice to play as the gorilla, and can you imagine how fun a local multiplayer mode could've been? Each player could control a fraction of the guys; like split 50/50 between two players, or[i] 33 and a 3rd [/i]if you're playing with three people. [spoiler]...I guess that last guy is pretty screwed; with each player only controlling like a severed leg or vital organ or something....[/spoiler] sounds like a lot of fun to me. [b]Let's get to the heart of the matter, the morbillion dollar question, and the REAL reason you've read this far into the review...... [i]can one hundred men beat one gorilla?[/i] [/b]......[spoiler]yeah. obviously. [/spoiler] It may be [i]really big[/i], and [i]really tough[/i], but the gorilla isn't invincible. It's just an ordinary animal; scared, runs from fights, and [b]probably sleeps 18 hours a day[/b]. While some [i]will probably die[/i], if the men just [b]gang up[/b] and attack it all at once, [i]it won't be long before there's a winner.[/i] It's kind of like the man against bugs situation; where we [i]-people-[/i] are outnumbered [b]over a hundred to one.[/b] [i]Sure[/i], you can probably kill a swarm of a hundred mosquitoes, [b]but can you kill TEN THOUSAND mosquitoes?[/b] [spoiler]...maybe? [/spoiler] Of course, [i]it's an entirely different story[/i] if the gorilla was buffed up in some way; like if it was superpowered with [b]coke[/b] [spoiler](the soda....obviously)[/spoiler] like in that one [b]100% factually accurate documentary[/b] about that bear a couple years ago. But then that begs the question of [i]who was that sicko who gave that gorilla some coke[/i]. In fact, [b]why are there so many people willing to beat up this poor gorilla in the first place?? [i]PETA is gonna go absolutely ballistic!!![/i] [/b]......I think I got a little off topic there. to wrap everything up, [spoiler]Donkey Kong Bananza is decent, but not great; and there's a severe lack of Diddy Kong. 7.5/10 . thx. [/spoiler] [b]100 Men VS Gorilla[/b] is a [i]stupid, repetitive, time wasting experience[/i] of a game; giving the kind of vibes for a video game you'd see characters in a movie playing or something. And like, [b]that's exactly what I expected?[/b] I wanted a [b]100 Men VS Gorilla[/b] game, and [b]I got a [i]100 Men VS Gorilla game[/i] [/b]. And while it'd be nice if there was a little more to it, I got my money's worth. [b]GGs beeg monke you're so cool.[/b]

ПРОСТО НЕРЕАЛЬНО ДАЖЕ ТРЕТЬ ХП СНЕСТИ ГОРИЛЛЕ!!! ИГРА ГОВНА

the gorilla was slain and it only took the lives of 68 men. i mange to find the data log of the 69th man and put it back together for the archives data-log of the 69th: The Ape-Slaughterer I. The Hollow Earth Awakens In the starless age of Iron Year 9891, beneath the thrones of rusted moons and ash-choked spires of the Megastrata, war was the only language that The Order still spoke. Humanity had long shed its skin of flesh and innocence, replaced by iron marrow and void-fed resolve. The conflict was eternal, for their enemies were not born—they were awakened. Of these, none were more feared than the Descendants of the Hollow Howl: the gorillas. Not beasts, but relics of pre-human sovereignty; gene-shattered lords twisted by time, by war, by entropy. I was but a Thronebreaker Acolyte then—the 69th in the Centiphalan Line—nothing more than another data-fed grunt in service to The Order. My number mattered little. Names were forgotten. Numbers died better. II. The Arena of Blooded Iron The staging ground was the Hollow Basilica, a collapsed orbital cathedral pierced through the crust of Sector Trisanguine, leaking atmosphere and sacred oils into the void. There, a singular Ape of cataclysmic design had been lured. Known in the Hymn-Crypts as *Grondrith the Graven Fist*, this gorilla was no mere beast but a Requiem-Born Scion of Simian Nihility. It bore a spine-bound mace of arcane uranium and the gaze of a black star. We were one hundred: nano-augmented zealots, clad in relic-plate blessed by the Machine Ecclesia, wielding pulse-hatchets and thermic prayers. We marched not to victory, but to seal a rupture in the Psymachina Veil. To falter was to let the gorilla breach into the Soul Engine of Terra Prime. III. The First Thirteen Die Screaming Grondrith came not with roar, but with silence. A pressure descended upon us that bent time and corroded thought. The first thirteen of our number advanced, each a veteran of the Plutonite Wars. Their charge was textbook—tight formation, synchronized strikes, martyr protocols engaged. The beast moved like liquefied gravity. In a blur of molten shadow and shrieking steel, it shattered them. Their screams were devoured by the silence. One by one, their bio-signatures flatlined into the soil. My hands trembled, not from fear, but from the residual kinetic echo of their demise. It became clear: this was not a test of strength, but of resolve against oblivion. IV. The Slaughter Spiral The next wave went mad. Some tried to chant battle litanies, but their tongues twisted into apocryphal hymns. The gorilla had psychic rot clinging to its fur—an aura of anti-thought, bred in the warp crucibles of the Simian Deep. It grabbed men like dolls, snapping them against each other, painting the basilica walls with righteous circuitry and blood-oil. I saw the 42nd man, Val Kelmour, ignite his own fusion core to take the beast with him. He died screaming a forgotten dialect, bones glowing blue. Grondrith emerged untouched, save for a hairline crack upon one fang. That crack would guide my blade in hours to come. V. I Am the 69th By the time I stepped forward, the ground was a grave. Forty corpses burned. Twenty were simply missing, their identities corrupted by the gorilla's psychic hemorrhage field. Ten others were crawling toward mercy. I was the 69th. Not the strongest, nor the wisest. But I carried within me a shard of the Ape-Tear Doctrine, an ancient protocol codeburned into my skull-node by the Cryption Sisters. It taught not how to kill, but how to end. I approached with a pulse-scythe in hand, coated in dread mercury. The gorilla turned to me with the slowness of a god. I did not breathe. I did not think. I became function. I became recursion. I became murder. VI. The Death-Kata Begins We danced. That is the only word. The Ape struck with heaven-quaking fists, each blow a tectonic hymn. I parried with voidstep feints, the kind that leave echoes in place of flesh. His mace sundered pillars, collapsed dimensions. I bled out nanite streams that stitched me as I moved. His hide was a fortress, but his breath wavered. His cracked fang glowed. I drove my scythe there, again and again, chanting nothing, feeling everything. He struck my chest, shattering three sternums. I retaliated with a neural disruptor, injecting him with memes of despair harvested from extinct Martian monks. He howled. I knew then he remembered pain. VII. Memory of the Silver Forest In the moment of his pain, I saw. Not visions from my mind, but echoes from his: a silver forest, ancient and infinite. Gorillas walking in peace, in reverent communion with stars. Before the wars. Before the betrayal. Before The Order and its steel gods broke the pact. Grondrith was not evil—he was the last of his song. In that knowing, I hesitated. He did not. He crushed my leg. But I struck true. The scythe, singing with borrowed light, pierced through his throat. He fell like a collapsing moon. Around us, silence returned. Real silence. No pressure. No war-chant. Just the death of a dynasty. VIII. The After-War Reinforcements arrived too late. They found me clutching my own femur, scythe buried in the gorilla's heart-core. The basilica was marked as a Relic-Crater. No one spoke of the battle. Records were cleansed. The other ninety-nine were buried in code-prisons. I alone was allowed to live, not as a hero, but as a caution. My designation changed: Ape-Slaughterer. I was neither celebrated nor mourned. I became a ghost-in-service, haunting borderfronts where gorilla-kind still rose in rage. But in dreams, the Silver Forest returns. And I wonder: if he had hesitated, would he have seen *our* memory? IX. The Last Howl Years passed. Wars faded into other wars. Simian Nihility fragmented into lesser cults, and Chaos Gorillas began infighting among warp-clans. Yet rumors spread: of a Scion falling to a mortal; of a human wielding the Death-Kata. My legend grew against my will. Factions sought me. Enemies feared me. But I feared something more terrible—the sound I heard that night, as Grondrith died. Not his roar. Not his breath. But the soft, guttural sound of grief. It was not rage that drove him, but mourning. He fought not to kill us, but to remember what his people were. And we denied him that. X. data log Ends, But War Does Not Now, as the red eclipse of Epoch-9 looms over the ruins of New Terra, I write this not as the 69th, but as a witness. The gorillas will return. From the Void-Apes of the Moon Crypts to the Chaos-furred Lords of the Warp-Zones, they remember. And I—scarred, limping, soul-fractured—wait not to fight, but to see. To see if, in that final hour, we can speak again not in war, but in memory. If the Silver Forest still lingers somewhere in the dream-code of this broken universe. Until then, I oil my scythe. For peace, like war, is written in the blood of beasts. End data log. would recommend would buy again 9/10 PS sequel ideas 1 gorilla vs 100 babies 1 gorilla vs 100 women 1 blind gorilla vs 100 blind men

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