Poker Night 2

Same thing like the first, I brought this for TF2 items. It's a shame they never made a third game. Also Ash is goated and will show you his boomstick.

Can we all take a moment of silence for anyone reading this review and thinking, "That actually sounds amazing. I'll buy it." YOU CAN'T. It's gone. Delisted. Vanished from the Steam store like it owed Valve money. Congratulations, you're now emotionally invested in a game that's about as purchasable as a unicorn riding a shopping cart. Now let's address the elephant sitting at my poker table. My luck. Or rather... The complete and catastrophic absence of it. I swear this game had a secret algorithm that looked at my account and went: "Oh, it's THIS guy. Give him another magnificent 2♣ and 9♠. He clearly hasn't suffered enough." Every Single Time. Pocket aces? Never heard of them. Kings? Vacation. Queens? Out sick. Meanwhile I'm over here trying to bluff with cards that look like they were rescued from the bargain bin of a haunted casino. The dealer must've been laughing harder than I was. And somehow... I STILL loved every second of it. Because Poker Night 2 isn't just poker. It's four legendary maniacs trapped around a table roasting each other while you desperately pretend your garbage hand isn't complete digital compost. My absolute favorites? Claptrap. That lovable metallic nuisance somehow manages to be equal parts adorable and completely insufferable. Every time he opened his mouth I had no idea whether I wanted to hug him or unplug him. Then there's GLaDOS. Imagine trying to keep a straight face while an infinitely sarcastic supercomputer quietly dismantles everyone's self-esteem between poker hands. It's glorious. The banter alone is worth the price of admission...which is especially tragic considering THERE IS NO ADMISSION ANYMORE. Spoiler Alert. I won...SIX. Six games Out of roughly SIX HUNDRED HANDS. Read that again. Six Out of Six hundred. Statistically speaking, I'm pretty sure a confused potato would've had better odds. Do I suck at poker? NO. My luck simply filed for bankruptcy. How exactly am I supposed to dominate the table when my opening hand keeps looking like someone emptied the casino's recycling bin into my lap? "Congratulations!" Here's another magnificent 2♣ and 9♠. Go fight four legendary bluffing machines with that. I believe in you. THANKS, GAME. REALLY APPRECIATE THE CONFIDENCE BOOST. And yet... Despite losing enough chips to finance a small moon, I laughed through practically every single hand. Every conversation. Every ridiculous insult. Every character interaction. The poker became almost secondary. The comedy was the real jackpot. I may have lost almost every meaningful hand imaginable...but I laughed during all 600 of them. Poker Night 2 didn't empty my wallet. It emptied my lungs from laughing. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to shuffle another deck and pray the universe finally discovers that cards exist above a nine.