[b]Nitro Turtles[/b] had the potential to be the [b]greatest, bestest, most awesomest game ever.[/b] It’s a racing game, only [i]the cars are turtles. [b]nitro enhanced, super powered sea turtles.[/b] [/i] ...yeah, that’s the whole reason why I thought it looked awesome. What can I tell ya; [i]I’m a simple man, and simple men love turtles.[/i] BUT, after about two hours of play, beating every track, and getting roughly half the achievements [spoiler](with the other half mainly being the time trial stuff. I ain’t got time for that)[/spoiler] I did find a lot of cracks, some of which are surprisingly [i]very apparent.[/i] I still recommend this to any and all turtle lovers on Steam, but there [i]are[/i] a few asterisks. [b]But [i]hey!! super powered sea turtles!!![/i] Wickedly epic!![/b]
To describe it in a sentence, [b]Nitro Turtles[/b] is basically another [b]Mario Kart[/b] clone. [i]...I mean,[/i] seriously now; [i]what else did you think it’d be?[/i] All the pages of the playbook are in plain sight: [b]colorful cartoon graphics, several themed tracks to pick from, eight competitors for each race, goofy powerups placed around the track, [i]it’s all there, it’s all been done, and I don’t need to go on.[/i] [/b] It [i]is[/i], however, done [i]pretty well[/i], and for the most part I was having [i]a lot of fun![/i] With plenty of boost pads and clever short cuts [b](not to mention the impeccable frame-rate)[/b], you really do feel a thrilling sense of [b]speed.[/b] Considering you’re racing [i]turtles[/i], you’ll move much faster and smoother in the water, which adds a little bit of strategy to the mix. [i]Not a whole lot[/i], but it’s still nice. While most of the items are what you’d expect [spoiler](seaweed is just mushrooms, seagulls are just green shells, all that good jazz)[/spoiler] I [i]did[/i] like a couple of them a lot. The [b]bubble[/b] allows you to have underwater effects even while on dry land for a period of time, and the jetpack [b]straight up[/b] [i]allows you to skip [b]entire sections of the track [/b] [/i] [spoiler](within the limits of the invisible walls, of course).[/spoiler] [b]Again[/b], pretty creative, and good fun! Unfortunately, this Mario Kart clone also happened to copy [b]Mario Kart’s worst problems.[/b] The opponent Al is [i]brutal[/i], with the rubber-banding problem at [i]full force.[/i] You could be playing a perfect race, seemingly miles ahead, and for no explicable reason [i]the CPUs will still catch up to you[/i], and be just [b]so smugly casual about it. [i]look at that turtle’s punchable smirk. what a chump.[/i] [/b] Oftentimes you’ll get [b]“Mario Karted”[/b], as my bros call it, where you just get [b]absolutely pummeled by CPU items[/b], where [i]it feels like you can’t even move for like twenty seconds straight.[/i] [spoiler]If that hasn’t happened to you yet, then maybe try actually opening the game, bubby.[/spoiler] Despite the stuff I just said, the enemy Al remains [i]kinda stupid[/i]; with at least two racers getting stuck inside a rock each race [spoiler](guess the CPUs forgot how to drive backwards…?).[/spoiler] You can only go to the next lap if you go [i]through[/i] the finish line, so if you drive on the side or [b](more likely)[/b] fly over it, then [b]it won’t count. [i]I had to learn that the hard way.[/i] [/b] And finally the biggest and most surprising problem, [b]pausing the game [i]doesn’t actually pause the game.[/i] [/b] Everyone is still driving even with the menu on screen. [b]I lost a race because I swatted a mosquito. [i]literally unplayable.[/i] [/b] Now that I brought it up, though, it’s probably an easy fix.
This might be an odd comparison, but [b]Nitro Turtles[/b]’ production values kind of feels like eating decent fast food. [i]It’s great at the moment[/i], and it’s certainly nothing [i]bad[/i], but after everything’s all done and the fun is over, [i]you start to think[/i] [b]yeah… that probably could’ve been better.[/b] [spoiler](no offense, City Wings. you make a respectable chicken sandwich).[/spoiler] Most obvious issue is that [i]there really isn’t a whole lot on offer.[/i] [b]Nitro Turtles only has nine tracks.[/b] They look pretty nice at first glance [i](and first drive)[/i]; very bright and colorful, clean sand and rock textures, and some [i]really[/i] satisfying water effects. Sure, the graphic quality of it all is comparable to something like [b]Face Racers for 3DS[/b] [spoiler](which, to be fair, looked pretty slick in 2011)[/spoiler] but [b]it’s made by just one guy, and he did a good job. [/b] Unfortunately, the longer you play, the more you notice that everything looks… [b]a bit samey.[/b] See, a good racing game tends to have [i]at least[/i] one track that stands out from the others, one that makes you suddenly stop one day and think [b]“oh hey! [i]that was pretty neat![/i]” [/b], but [i]this game doesn’t have that.[/i] [b]Nitro Turtles[/b] doesn’t have its own Coconut Mall, or Music Park, [i]or even Quakeville[/i] [spoiler](the track from Face Racers where you drive through a town that recently suffered an earthquake and jump down into a crevice and it’s actually pretty inspired).[/spoiler] It just has… well, [i]beaches.[/i] and [i]rocks.[/i] with an occasional tropical island. Every single track fits into [i]at least[/i] one of those categories; with no unique landmarks to call their own. The tracks also never seem to escalate in difficulty, [i]sorta excluding the final one.[/i] The first stage, [b]Nitro Turtles Circuit[/b], feels no harder than the second to last stage, [b]Ancient Turtle Ruins.[/b] [spoiler]In fact, Nitro Turtles Circuit is actually significantly longer than that one.[/spoiler] However, the big finisher, [b]Scorched Shell Volcano[/b], is pretty cool. It does the whole Wuhu Island thing and replaces laps with just persevering through a long course. [i]Nothing amazing[/i], but a decent finale. But we’re all just ignoring the real star of the show because now [i]it’s time to talk about the[/i] [b]TURTLES. [i]TURTLES ARE AMAZING.[/i] [/b] And these guys look pretty great! The turtle model itself is [i]adorable[/i], and I love the contrast between the waddling helplessly on the beach to the [i]swimming[/i] animation. And whenever you win a race, [i]your turtle does a little dance on the podium![/i] [b]Look at that big smile!! [i]A winner truly is you!![/i] [/b] You can also customize your turtle friend with things like sunglasses and pirate wear and stuff, [i]which is always fun.[/i] And the [b]“turtle facts”[/b] on the title screen are [i]hilarious.[/i] [b]“Recent Scientific Studies Show that Turtles are Actually The Fastest Animal. Just Trust Us, Bro”; [i]seems airtight to me![/i] [/b] The sound department could be a bit better. [i]It’s fine how it is[/i], but as is, [b]it just feels generic.[/b] Stock sound effects, completely absent voice work of any kind [spoiler](even Face Racers had characters say “Woooo hoo!” once in a while)[/spoiler] and a lot of stuff [i]you’d assume would make noise[/i] just being [b]completely silent.[/b] The music, on the other hand, [b]is straight fire.[/b] [spoiler]Epic Turtle Dubstep Dance Beats To Study To.[/spoiler] So, [i]no surprises[/i], the best part is [b]the turtles[/b]; but everything here is at least competent, even if nothing particularly stands out above the pack. Still, [i]at least it’s better than[/i] [b]Racing with Ryan [i]amirite guys???[/i] [/b]...sorry. it’s just that I’m obligated to say that every time I review any car or racing related media. [spoiler]Made for an awkward Christine review.[/spoiler]
[b]Am I recommending this game just because of the turtles??[/b] . . . . .[i]yessssss.[/i] But taking that aside, I still had a lot of fun with [b]Nitro Turtles.[/b] It’s a cool, fast paced, [i]pretty[/i] well made little kart racing game that just so happens to [b]prominently feature my favorite animal. [i]What more could I ever ask for??[/i] [/b]
