Let's get straight to the point: Grandpa's Cheese is art. This 2022 horror title takes such a simple premise -the “explore spooky maze looking for (number) amount of items while being chased by monster” kind of game we all know and love- but backs it up with outstanding production values and a truly deep and thought provoking narrative. My expectations were already sky high to begin with, but the game somehow exceeded ALL OF THEM. Hope you're not lactose intolerant, because I wanna tell you ALL ABOUT this cheese!
I'm going to be honest, Grandpa's Cheese's gameplay is easily the weakest thing about it; which is still a compliment in my book, because the gameplay is really good. You wake up in an empty building with no idea how you got there. You don't know where you are, you don't know who you are, and the only thing in your possession is a flashlight; which is the only way to pierce the pitch black darkness. Suddenly, you hear a voice, and you can't tell if it's real or in your head. The voice, which is all computerized and distorted, tells you “FiNd ThE CheESe, aNd I WiLL sEt y0U fReE”. The moment the voices stop, you hear a mechanical door open, followed by some very loud and rather frightening shouting. Grandpa is loose. You must run around the maze-like corridors of the building (which, by the way, is randomly generated), desperately searching for the cheese, or Grandpa will inevitably find you and end you. I'm shocked, honestly, at some of the kills in this game. like, I know it has the M rating and all, but a few of those deaths are just brutal. absolutely sickening. I'll give them this though, they ARE creative; especially that one with the metal coat hanger and the nail clippers. If you DO find all the cheese (did I mention you have to find eight of them?), the voice in your head returns, announcing “WEll D0nE. NoW FiNd thE ExiT, iF Y0u CaN...” (the voice is different from Grandpa's voice, if you're wondering) causing a single door to appear somewhere within the labyrinth. The door only stays open for about a minute or two, and if you don't find it in time, you're forever trapped with Grandpa. If you do manage to escape, the second you step outside, you black out. And in a Dementium style twist, you wake up in a hospital bed, surrounded by doctors and surgeons; giving you an impression that maybe the whole being-chased-by-grandpa-and-looking-for-cheese thing was nothing more than a really weird dream. some anesthesia fueled hallucination or something. Until it happens. The voice returns, and gives one final message: “D0n'T tHinK thiS IS oVeR...”. Before you realize what's going on, the doctors put you back to sleep, the screen fades to black, and the credits roll. now, what the heck is going on? I.. don't know. I mean, I can always share MY take on events, but it's all up to interpretation.
Before I discuss any plot theories I have, I've gotta rave about Grandpa's Cheese's production values, because wow, this is SPECTACULAR. Let me tell you, it's been a very long time since I've felt a real sense of wonder when playing a video game. Maybe I'm just a jaded old critic, or maybe games today aren't as good as they were before, but something about them felt missing. It's probably because now, I know how video games are made. I worked at EA for a couple of years (true story), and while it was indeed super awesome seeing how things were behind the scenes, it really ruined the magic. Why am I telling you all these things? well... well, because Grandpa's Cheese brought the magic back. I feel like a little kid again, watching in amazement at all the beautiful images, the almost shocking attention to detail, and the consistent level of creativity, all just makes my eyes go wide in awe. The textures and props are incredibly sharp, almost as real as the real thing. The real time lighting looks gorgeous, and I can't IMAGINE the work it took to make such sophisticated reflections on surfaces. And all of this runs at a solid 240 frames-per-second, without a single hiccup. If that was all the game had to offer, I'd be pretty darn satisfied, but that's only half of it. Grandpa's Cheese is also fully voiced and orchestrated, with some of the greatest talent in the industry. The A-List actors alone are a good reason to buy the game. We're talking Bryan Cranston, Daryl Sabara, Pauly Shore, CHRISTIAN freakin' BALE as GRANDPA?? This cast is absolutely packed!! admittedly, not every performance here was a winner, as I thought James Corden was just kinda being himself; that's not real acting in my opinion. The music production is almost as awe-inspiring, as the full orchestra soundtrack just gives you the chills. I was surprised to see that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was responsible for the track around the very end, as I thought they were known for only singing hymns or something; so GGs for them to agree to sing dramatically about cheese. My favorite though? The 21 Pilots cover of “Stressed Out”, playing over the credits. “Wish we could turn back time, To the good ole' daaaays... When the momma gaaave us some cheese when we were s t r e s s e d o u t ” .
I would warn you about spoilers here, but this is just how I see the story; however, I am confident that my version of events is accurate. Now, the first thing you'll realize is that even though every new playthrough puts you in the shoes of a different person, they all have something in common. You'll discover that the main characters' professions are things like politicians, news reporters, game journalists, and so on. People who make a living off of other people reacting to their content; and the stronger the reaction, the more moolah they make. That's why so many modern writers bring up controversial subjects, tell half-truths, and actively try to make people angry: because that gets peoples' attention. Well, they took it too far this time, as they caught Grandpa's attention. The really neat thing that makes Grandpa so compelling is that while he's an intimidating antagonist, you also see where the guy is coming from. Back in his forties, he was just a simple farmer, doing an honest day's work every day. Back then, there was no internet; and Grandpa got all the news he needed from the morning paper. But as the years went by, and computers went mainstream, news outlets and media became more aggressive and in your face than ever, and poor Grandpa couldn't stand it. He finally snapped when his dairy stand at the farmers' market was forcefully taken down by a mob of vegan activists. That was his breaking point. He vowed from that day, he'll change the world, back to a time when things actually made sense. He started kidnapping the people who ruined his life, and trapped them in his warehouse; where with his cruel puzzles and games, he proves that all these people desperately trying so hard to get rich and famous is no different than watching a stupid rat run around in a maze, searching for the cheese. Now, you might be thinking that Grandpa's plan makes no sense, or -at least- is a little too ambitious. Grandpa is only one man, and he can only kidnap so many people, so, in the long run, what difference does that make to the media? Well, probably not much in the big picture; but (if you escape) it certainly made a difference to that one person... This quote from Grandpa should summarize everything. “It's not about the cheese, it's about sending THE MESSAGE...”. that is absolutely chilling.
If you're not already downloading Grandpa's Cheese as we speak, then I don't know what more to say. This game is about as perfect as you could possibly hope for; a real legitimate quadruple A title. The gameplay is fun, dynamic, and intense; the graphics are beautiful, the violence and gore are wonderfully disgusting, and the plot and characters are genuinely really really intriguing. Grandpa's Cheese changed my life, and, if you let it, it'll change yours too. You just need to give the cheese a chance.
