Droopy Balls Simulator 2021 is the greatest video game I have ever, EVER played. In all of my 69 years on this planet Earth, I have never experienced this amount of joy and dopamine.
To put this into perspective, I am happily married to a beautiful woman, have 4 amazing children, and even met my grandchildren. I’ve also won 7 international fishing tournaments, bought my dream house and car, traveled the world, seeing all sorts of landmarks with my own 2 eyes.
Anyways, with extra money left to spend, I scrolled through steam. After looking for a while for some new games to play, I just thought to myself, “All of these games are so boring! Grand Theft Auto V, Red Dead Redemption 2, Forza Horizon 6, Subnautica 2, all just straight POOP in my eyes!” But I kept scrolling and scrolling, knowing I would eventually find something good. “What the ♥♥♥♥ is Droopy Balls Simulator 2021?” I questioned. But listen here young ones, this is why you should NEVER judge a book by its cover. For the small price of 99 cents, I bought this game as, seemingly, a joke. It installed in literally 1 second, so obviously there’s like nothing, right?
I double clicked the newly added DBS21 (Short for Droopy Balls Simulator 2021, just some slang only professional players would understand.) icon on my desktop. Just 2 buttons. “Play Game” and “Exit Game”. There I was, looking at the overwhelmingly insane graphics. I kind of wanted to click exit, maybe just to save my eyes from never looking at video games the same again. But I didn’t just spend a whole 99 cents for nothing, so I clicked “Play Game” and suddenly my room flashed, and Jesus Christ was standing next to me. He said a bunch of stuff, but basically I had ascended to heaven. But I didn’t care, I didn’t want anything distracting me from playing DBS21.
The first minute I played quite literally changed my life. The droopy balls, poop, pee, matter of fact EVERYTHING, has amazing quality. Good thing the developer didn’t also release this on VR, because someone could literally die from how good this game is. Every click of my mouse had instant feedback. The hitboxes are incredibly accurate, with every death feeling like it was completely my fault. This game is perfectly balanced, and truly puts my hand to the test. I have yet to master this game, and I feel that it will take hundreds, and most likely THOUSANDS of hours to master this game. Remember the grandkids I mentioned? They will now be training to become a DBS21 Master Baiter every day for the rest of their lives. Maybe even a Grandmaster Baiter, who knows?
Every second without DBS21 feels like Satan grabbed me from heaven and slammed me straight down to hell, setting me on fire while chopping my limbs off slowly with a chainsaw. The outside world kind of feels like 480p now, and DBS21 is 4k to me. I will be HAPPILY divorcing my wife, disowning my 4 children for not taking interest in DBS21, and quitting my job at the White House. I will be giving my grandchildren some pity though, as they’re currently playing DBS21 as I speak. Don’t worry about me, yes I have been playing DBS21 while I’m writing this review.
Anyways, I see a lot of potential in my grandchildren. They’ve all personally told me they will never get married, never go to school, move out of their parents’ house into my specially built DBS21 house, and never even try to go outside after moving in. The house contains of 4 rooms (3 for each of my grandchildren, 1 for me) and in each room there’s a PC setup, toilet chair, and a fridge. That’s it. But sometimes I let them control my balls so they can play DBS21 in real life. “How will they clean themselves?”, you may be asking. Well following my logic, if they don’t go outside, get an average of like 4 steps a day to go to the fridge, then they don’t get dirty enough to be needing to take a shower. Now I guess if you count my balls in the toilet splashing water everywhere as my grandchildren getting clean, then they are somewhat clean.
At the time of this review, I have probably only mastered 0.001% of this game. To all of the Master and Grandmaster Baiters out there, I genuinely look up to you. I never thought a silly game like this would require so much dedication, all while being just so enjoyable, with amazing graphics. Actually, I think Grand Theft Auto VI was originally set to release on September 17th, 2021. But one of the higher ups at Rockstar saw that DBS21 was releasing that day, and made the genius decision to delay GTA VI for 5 more years to hopefully pull the hype away from DBS21. Smart move, Rockstar, pretty smart move. Speaking of GTA VI, I believe this game is 1 million times better than whatever GTA VI will have to offer. And unless GTA VI somehow has better graphics, (from what I’ve seen in trailers, obviously not..) droopy balls on their characters, and a minigame in the toilet that’s like DBS21, I think my statement is pretty factual.
TL;DR: I only bought this game because it seemed like a funny game to own for only 99 cents. But this game’s unreal graphics, sound, and gameplay, make me want to spend thousands on it. While I can’t yet show it, this game offers hundreds of hours of gameplay, and changes your life. 100000/10.
