"The next step in human evolution."
The unidentified voice boldly offers an enthralling revolution in ludomechanical experiences promising unprecedented levels of sophistication. But much like the brown shirted thugs of the Weimar Republic giving way to the Third Reich, is this really a revolution that we want?
The British-Australian power team consisting of cyph3r, motboy8, and gaming magnate Jim Sterling have joined forces to produce a testament to their diabolical vision of a monocultural, racially pure utopia. DON'T touch the walls (from here on out referred to as DON'T) compels the hapless player-slave to submit to an unreachably austere ideal. Victory remains forever out of reach. Stay in your lane. Be an obedient citizen. Under no circumstances should you ever stray outside the narrow lines that your benevolent would-be masters have laid out before you. And for what? A hopeless goal inevitably leading to your doom. A Kobayashi Maru scenario stripped of all pedagogical value. Jim Sterling and his fascist thugs promise everything and deliver nothing. A casual Google image search of this individual uncovers an aspiring dictator that wears his totalitarian convictions on his sleeve.
For the player of DON'T, the injunction is to obey. If they wanted to, the game's creators could send undesireable players leaping willingly into punji traps, dawdling on train tracks, running into forest fires. How can we be so sure that they can be trusted with such power? We simply can not. DON'T is coercion, authority, a commandment issuing quite literally from out of the blue, which blasts through the gaming world to conquer the steam platform: If you are not blue, it is about time that you withdrew.
I took it upon myself to investigate further than most, going so far as to run the executable code through a decompiler. The resulting output was a document written in German that stated that women are incapable of being President, the blue race is the master race, Tupac is still alive in Serbia, and the details of some sort of Wu-Tang 'secret', among other perverse things. Now that I have laid this bare I ask of you, fellow gamers, is this the sort of maniac you support?
To Herr Führer Sterling I say: I oppose your mad deadly world-wide conspiratorial gangster computer god with wall to wall deadly gangster protection, life long sworn conspirators murder incorporated organized crime, the police and judges, the deadly sneak parroting puppet gangsters using all the gangster deadly frankenstein controls.
As I write this, DON'T is on sale for a mere 59cents, up to 99 cents if you miss the current sale. However, there are hidden costs that Steam neglects to mention: Your dignity, your innocence, and perhaps even your soul.
My name is NO! If you are reading this, you are #theresistance
