(PROLOGUE: Dancing rainbow spirit acapella, riding androgynous unicorn spreading its they/them/their wings. Mindlessly crushing beautiful environments, disturbing peaceful moments, tear down the cosmic balance. With absolute pride like a proud yet twisted pegasus-ish.
But then suddenly!!
A silhouetted figure appeared, rapidly beatboxing into a megaphone with complex pyrotechnics bursting here and there for several seconds.
You-know-who...
To rain down some seriously sharp offensive rhymes of positivity rap, yo! Let's gooo!)
Satirically solid, this is the smartest one ever made.
Comedic truth where the harsh facts cascade.
If that is your quest then look no more coz it is clear:
The absolute best of all searches ends here!
Welcome to Conscious Play Studios' crew.
Where corporate chaos waits for you!
As DEI Boss, your only task:
Raise the 'Culture Score'—that’s all they ask.
Investors panic, leadership screams.
You hunt for fabricated metrics to save their dreams.
But failure is fixed, a linear joke.
Your choice just dictates how things go broke.
Read through e-mails, make tough calls.
Watch the company crash through the walls.
A punchy satire, sharp and clear.
A text-based simulation of fear yet real!
Fail upwards now, don't look behind.
The funniest disaster you will find.
DEI Manager Simulator will clear your head.
A top-tier game you’ll be glad to get!
It opens your mind, no corporate dread.
An instant buy, get it now instead!
Now look at my timeline, preparing for peaceful roar.
Definitely not starting conflict nor another meaningless war.
Just a wake up call to pull negativity out of the core.
A full frontal assault that they cannot ignore.
No filter, no safety, just lyrical heat.
Dropping sick hot takes over amateur beat.
If we dislike inconsistency with the race, they label us racist.
Their mindset clearly are the most basest and shall be put down on waste list.
If we like cuteness plus young fictional characters for awhile,
they ridiculously label us p3d0phil3.
If we adore beautiful people with a guile, plus perfect body and the coolest style,
they instantly scream that our preferences are vile.
They never accept differences in our cultural heritage and religious way, simply label us as somewhat-phobic and always glad to ruin our day.
Yet we never convey in dismay nor repay the same old recycle thing as they portray.
So easy for them by constantly labeling people and won't lay it rest.
Because of course mentally boxing and mindless labeling is what they can do best.
Enough is enough, got tired of this awful trends.
They started it by crossing the line, so now it is time for our culture defends!
These jabr0nis cannot discuss things like proper adults should.
Let's give those candy-a$$e$ a healthy dose of reality check for their own good.
No more hideous falsehood, just to stress the good ways that we stood.
Tough love style, just the way my tomboy granny would.
My aunts are alarmed and my cousins are vexed.
The algorithm’s wondering who I'm offending next.
I'm typing out truths while my bridges all burn.
Losing seventy followers every single turn.
"Unfriend me!" they cry as they slam it on the run.
While I'm chillaxin' in the kitchen just chewin' on pork bun.
For some that isn't kosher and that's okay.
Because if they don't eat manna as their spiritual way?
Good! It means more for us anyway.
Yay~!
Their products push division, selling constant hatred, forcing nonstop tirade.
But Artistic Freedom? Nah, that line won't fade.
Choice is simple, wallet stays barricade.
Watch Their profits degrade, let their own trap be made.
Go non-buy-nary --- let their own downfall get paid.
Hated for being normal, just existing straight.
Hated for believing what I meditate.
Hetero's alright, a peaceful lane of mine so I'm fine.
While some clowns often get loud and grate on my mind.
Don't need a parade to flex every sign.
Just let me be, so tired with all the nonsense on my time.
Just let it low-key, no drama no line.
Stay on your lane, no disturbance, let it all be fine.
Yes let's uphold peace for you and me, stop overreact by make things overrefine.
Until those chaos-bringers deliberately crossing the line, and invading almost everything of what're yours and mine!
Whoa, clearly that is not a good intention sign!
Forcing what they want ignoring the values that keeps us align.
They constantly screeching for attention like a swine!
Your digital library needs this spark.
A hilarious ride that hits the mark.
No preachy boring lectures, nor HR sigh.
Just peak entertainment you have to try.
Wholeheartedly backed, it's pure delight.
To show colorful bunch making chaos so accurately right!
They claim they're top-tier writers, but it's egotistic trash.
Just a bunch of manipulators trying to grab our cash.
Whenever I see SBI?
Oh hell no! Instantly NO buy!
They ain't sweet, but branches of syndicates with Evil Inc vibe edgy.
How's that a baby?
More like hordes of hellspawns with stage IV delusionals accutely!
Those evil incorporated, hell-bent to destroy our beloved hobby.
So I prefer to buy games from and for true gamers only.
They ruined our games right from day one.
Erasing the magic till all of it's gone.
They flipped our main heroes a full turn around.
And buried what's normal deep down in the ground.
They think they can win this? They don’t have a clue—Global True Gamers still outnumber their arrogant crew!
We have been around long before these chaos-bringers were even born.
Reject what they offer, treat them with scorn.
They will ruin our legacies, tearing them down.
If we do nothing and let them treat us like clown.
Now is our time to seriously crush their mad thrill.
Step on their mania, and make firm stand on the hill!
Let us show them all, we are still wiser than they are.
Together we stand and fully reject the bizarre.
The open minded ones,
with sanity intact and full of smart puns.
So without further ado,
this game is made for you.
With good seven soundtracks, pure solid gold.
An enjoyable one, let it be constantly retold.
Because we need more satire and comedic plot. Pack it up as one healthy criticism for the entire delusional lot.
Your hiring pipeline is completely broken.
For every corporate buzzword spoken!
As the ultimate DEI Manager, you will preside.
To force mandatory fun and cultural pride.
Ban colorless coffee, it is not inclusive.
Your employee normalcy feedback is purely abusive!
Fire the top coder for sitting too straight.
And using any means to accelerate!
Oh yeah sure, the coolest bunch of pride, yet everything totally roasted in completely deep fried.
Check all the boxes using any means frantically.
To satisfy your own self splurging with egotistical proud oh-so messy.
Hated because I'm normal? Cool! I'll take that, L!
Straight True Believer --- Still sleeping well.
My whole existence constantly gets their hate mail.
So I'll dip, load my favorite game, let them wail.
A true parody simulation of corporate sin.
Where boxes are checked and compliance wins!
Efficiency dies as you virtue-signal aloud.
To make your progressive oh-so-delusional HR department proud.
You will fire good workers for being too straight.
While forcing made-up quotas to accelerate!
And without further delay.
This one's will make a permanent stay.
The ultimate satire made by Facetious Labs, totally worth it and ups for grabs.
A simulator of buzzword quacks regime.
The most hilarious parody found on Steam!
:3
(EPILOGUE: Severely crash-landing into reality with the unicorn, suddenly awaken from the colorful dream, snapped back into reality by a rude awakening!
Plot twist?!
It wasn't my fantasy from the start, but you readers surely knew who that delusional individual was.
Drop the mic. 'Nuff said...)
