I find myself in need of advice. I'm considering returning to university to finish my degree in creative writing, but I want to be sure to go to the right school.
For example, I really want to avoid any professor who teaches that it's okay to signal the ethnicity of a fictional character by having them repeat the same two words or phrases from their native language over and over, do you see shereen? I wouldn't want to be an absolute ashmag and cause my character to come across as lazily written and brain broken while also insulting an ethnic group by reducing their identity to two phrases. It's lazy to do that, shereen, and that kind of lazy is pure ashmag behavior.
See, if I had a degree in pretty much anything and it led me to think writing a character using this method was in any way good, well, I'd feel like maybe I didn't actually learn anything while at university and might begin to feel cheated.
Of course, shereen, if I was such an ashmag as to write characters like this it might be that my brain really is broken, and that whatever education I received might have been wasted because I'm just flat out not a good writer.
You know what? Instead of creative writing I think I'll just go design a video game where the player gets to level up a LOT. Players like that kind of thing, right? I want to be sure to give the player a lot of choices when leveling up, because players like making choices, I wouldn't want to be an ashmag and not give them choices! That's ashmag behavior!
Shereen, I have got it! I'll make a game where players get to level up a lot, make choices when leveling up about a needlessly complicated game system which only bears a passing resemblance to other CRPGs, and make sure the player has to read meta guides online outside of the game because the information provided in the game about the choices being made won't be enough for the player to make an informed decision!
I'll be sure to recommend certain things when leveling up but I won't explain why those are being recommended. This is a game about VIBES, shereen, and you have to get the vibes to get the game at all. Otherwise you might be an ashmag who makes a bad choice, shereen!
I'll be sure to use a popular setting that was originally created as satire but that people take seriously because we all know people are ashmags, shereen. British satire is hard for non-Brits to understand, especially Americans, but that's okay. Because the setting is popular we'll just use the bizarre Frankenstein monster that is the rules of a tabletop RPG from that setting!
It's perfect! The characters will level up so much and the process will be so complicated it will start to feel like a chore, but people need to do their chores, shereen, only ashmags don't do their chores. So my game will be educational too! Which is a good thing considering the ratio of tell vs show that's going to be in it. I want to make sure the players really feel every minute of the 100 hour campaign.
I also heard that players like systems, so I'll be sure to add in a bunch of management systems. Of course I won't make them too deep because that would distract from the real game, which is reading about what your characters are doing and then leveling them up. And fighting, shereen!
The fighting will be perfect! See, they'll start off the game where they play a character who literally owns multiple planets, but they can't reliably obtain grenades or healing items because... because I need the game to be challenging! The player's character is so wealthy they don't even use money, they have Profit Factor that they trade to other factions for things like individual grenades! But it's not money! It represents untold amounts of currency and production and the player will use it for common items as well as the special equipment and gear they need to actually function in the game. This is a perfectly balanced and well thought out economy, shereen, only an ashmag would fail to see the genius of it!
This is because what players love the absolute most is for their character builds to not really work until the last quarter of the game, shereen. Only ashmags like games where a character build works from the start without a bunch of gear, shereen!
Don't be an ashmag, shereen, play my game where you read about what you're doing like it was 1999 and will be under geared for the majority of the playtime, where the gear you do find is of dubious utility and leveling up becomes a tedious chore, and it all takes place in a ludicrous setting that was never meant to be taken as seriously as it is!
Oh wait, someone already made this game. It's called Rogue Trader and it's stupid.
Never mind.
