[b]The only horror in this game is the fact that it sucks and that no one is playing it. [i]….would be quite the opening line for a review[/i] [/b], but I didn’t say that. [i]My brother said that[/i], while watching [i]me[/i] play. And unfortunately, my thoughts aren’t all that different. It’s just, [i]it’s really hard to write properly about anything with a game like[/i] [b]Take Care of the Dog[/b], because there’s almost nothing to talk about! You can [i]easily[/i] beat this in less than ten minutes, and [i]it most [b]definitely[/b] took me longer to write this review[/i] [b]than it did to see the entire game.[/b] Although, I admit the game has its moments… or, more like, [b]moment.[/b]
Anyway let’s forget about all of that and [b]LET’S TAKE CARE OF THE DOG!![/b] This is going to be so sweet and fun and wholesome and [i]nothing bad is going to happen at all ever again!![/i] [b]Look at that fuzzy face!! [i]Isn’t he the cutest thing?[/i] [/b] oh, [i]oh[/i], now he wants you to follow him outside!! [i]So adorable![/i] The game goes like this for roughly half its total runtime: [spoiler]five minutes.[/spoiler] You follow the dog, you pet the dog, you play fetch with the dog, [spoiler]you go down into your maze-like backrooms feeling basement to find food and water for your dog[/spoiler]----wait what? What’s the deal with the basement? Everything is all dark and cramped that I feel like anything’s gonna jump out at me at any moment! [b]Plus[/b], every hallway looks more or less [i]the same as the one before it![/i] [b]I’m definitely going to get lost! [i]Why does this suddenly feel like a horror game???[/i] [/b]…..I should probably address the hideous elephant hiding in the room now.
I’m about to spoil the second half twist, [i]which[/i], need I remind you, [b]lasts less than five minutes.[/b] So, after finding some water in the basement, you go back into the kitchen to find your dog… [i]is not your dog.[/i] What replaced him kind of looks like a dog, but he’s definitely NOT your dog. [spoiler]He looks like a man in a poorly fit fursuit, sitting on his knees, with unnatural red glowing eyes. The fat of his misshapen body just seems to… flow wherever it can. [/spoiler] He definitely would’ve gotten a jump out of me [i]if I didn’t already get the monster spoiled from some ♥♥♥♥ online[/i] (although, I was spoiled by a Youtube thumbnail and not some idiot reviewer). Anyway, he talks too. In a creepily artificial sounding voice, he tells you to [spoiler]go back down into the basement, find the butchers knife, and kill the dog.[/spoiler] And THIS is where you find where your [i]actual dog[/i] is hiding. he’s just been chilling in the basement! And now you’re given a CHOICE: [spoiler]Kill your dog, or kill the creepy furry.[/spoiler] ….why would anyone pick the first option if you’re given the second option too. [spoiler]If you kill your dog, you get the BAD ENDING, but if you kill the strange intruder, you get the GOOD ENDING!![/spoiler]…..[b]that’s it! that’s the entire game! GG man [i]whoopdeedoo![/i] [/b]
I’ve been working as a volunteer at an activity center for a few years now, and I’ve seen the kids there play so many games that are [i]exactly like this[/i]; minus the horror part. [i]Dime a dozen[/i] [b]“edutainment”[/b] with the simplest of goals, the most basic of gameplay, and graphics that look nearly [i]thirty years out of date[/i]. So… if [b]Take Care of the Dog[/b] was [i]trying[/i] to emulate that genre, then [i]it does a spectacular job![/i] The game looks [b]silly.[/b] I like how every single thing you’re supposed to interact with is just a low-res PNG of the real life thing, like a ball or a can of dog food. The dog only has three poses: sitting, running, and sleeping. While the [spoiler]“dog”[/spoiler] only has one pose: [spoiler]sitting there. staring. menacingly. (okay, he really is pretty darn creepy).[/spoiler] The sound effects and music are hilariously over-the-top and cheery, which makes the sudden shift to horror work even better when [b]the music just [i]stops.[/i] [/b] I kind of wish your character could move faster, and had an actual neck. [i]You can’t move the camera up or down for whatever reason.[/i] But, [i]like[/i], the game did what it wanted to do. [i]Edutainment so convincing[/i], [b]it’ll give kids nightmares.[/b]
Some games aren’t meant to be fully reviewed. I’m sure [b]Take Care of the Dog[/b] was made by like [i]one guy[/i] for fun in his spare time, and [i]I can respect that[/i]. However, [i]did I like the game?[/i]...not really, no. It’s just another short [b]“shocking”[/b] horror game, like countless others on Steam. [b]I wanna go pet my dog now.[/b]
