Human Pinball : Iceage

Malo , MALISIMO, si te lo regalan, di que no.

Human Pinball : Iceage is a nothing to do with pinball, it's a third person 3D platformer where you run around a blurry arctic environment collecting blobs and returning them. What fun. Well, it might be if it was implemented well, but this isn't. From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard. There's an ugly screen filter meant to make the game look even more obsolete... like the game looks bad enough already, but they actually went out of their way to make it look worse. There's no way to turn this off. There's no options to change the resolution for the game or customise the graphics settings. There's no way for gamers to ensure this is running at the native resolution of their displays... there's no guarantee this game will look right on any PC as a result of this hamfisted design decision. There's no way for gamers to try improve the low quality graphics. The game features lazy low-polygon "retro" assets, making this look like a barely functional 3D game from the mid 2000s. It's unclear why the developers weren't able to arrange high quality, high polygon count contemporary assets for the game, and also irrelevant... what matters is that this looks bad as a result of their decisions, a compromise PC gamers shouldn't have to put up with. It's worth noting your avatar in the game isn't low poly, while the terrain is... that makes me think many of the assets in the game are flipped/acquired from someone else. And with over 8,500 games reviewed now, one of the laws of nature I've noticed is that when a developer isn't talented enough to create their own game assets, it turns out they're not talented enough to do the rest of the job of a game developer either. Definitely true for Human Pinball. The controls can't be customised, which will be an annoyance for many, but it can also render the game unplayable for differently-abled gamers. The controls and game handling are notably very clunky and unsmooth here. It's janky and unsatisfying to play... and any experienced gamer will tell you, the handling, responsiveness and general gameplay feel of the control scheme must be well polished for this kind of game to succeed. Unfortunately, this is something the developer seems to have phoned in, with little to no apparent gameplay testing. They dropped the ball on this one. These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game. Human Pinball : Iceage didn't appeal much to the people who own a copy of the game, either. It has an achievement, and it shows us a very clear picture that the game didn't really capture any interest from gamers. Only around 20 percent of players bothered to get the achievement before uninstalling the game, less than half the players. Hardly a success story, gamers just weren't all that interested in the game. The poor quality of this game is reflected in the general public reception. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the game all-time peak player count was only ONE player. That's right, only one person ever played this at a time. When I played this for the purposes of reviewing it, I equalled the peak player count for the game. OUCH. The only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 50,000 games for gamers to choose from, the overwhelming lack of interest in the game is to be expected. Gamers just didn't take this low quality game seriously, and for good reason. You're forced to sign a highly questionable yet legally unenforceable End User License Agreement. Developers must learn they are here to serve gamers, not control them. I had my cat walk over the keyboard while the EULA was displaying, which fixed that problem for me. Human Pinball : Iceage is relatively cheap at $2 USD, but it's not worth it. Given the defects and quality issues with the game, coupled with the unrealistic price, this is impossible to recommend.

I have no idea what the hell the point of this is. Absolute waste of time.

That was not enjoyable experience. :(

Outlandish and bizarre in a really bad way.