[h2]I reckon the best way to describe this game is to simply recite the bloody madness that transpired during my misadventures, so here is the chronicle of only some of my deeds: [/h2]
-Made a zombie knock his own lights out by the [b][i]sheer power of charisma[/i][/b]
-Almost met my demise by tripping over a wretched step
-Locked eyes in a grim stare-down with a lizard; bit mine own tongue by mischance, yet [b][i]grinned through a bloody maw[/i][/b], leaving the scaly beast utterly bedamned and terrified
-Courted an orcish maiden by proclaiming she could heft me up like a straw, and [b][i]prayed she would step on me[/i][/b]
-Interrogated a wall on the nature of being a wall (She confessed she feeleth naught, yet was crafted by a deity. Furthermore, her [b][i]political stance is FEAR[/i][/b])
-Debated with a fiend whether a slaughter be truly deemed a [b][i]murder[/i][/b] if the victim was subsequently [b][i]revived[/i][/b]
-Sustained grievous wounds whilst attempting a traditional salute to a goblin
-Fished a sweet pastry from a trash bin and argued with my overinflated ego whether it be truly filth, depending on if it [b][i]lay atop the garbage or beneath it[/i][/b]
-Smashed a flagon right over a goblin’s mug, for he refused to declare who he's [b][i]voting for[/i][/b]
-Filched twenty coins from a street minstrel, only to later bestow ten back as a reward for her song, receiving her humblest gratitude in return
-Suffered immense psychic damage from [b][i]pure cringe[/i][/b] whilst discussing the [b][i]sexual slang of today's youth[/i][/b]
-Recklessly flirted with a [b][i]fascist priestess[/i][/b] and nearly paid for it with my soul
-Compelled an undead knight to marvel at my sheer masculinity, forcing the corpse into a grand discourse on plate armor
-Discovered an [b][i]immovable[/i][/b] rod which was utterly broken, and thus, remarkably [b][i]movable[/i][/b]
-Shattered a hexed, invisible wall with but my [b][i]bare fists[/i][/b]
-Provoked my own Intelligence and Wisdom to fiercely squabble over whether the gilded frame or the portrait within possessed greater beauty
-Denied a wench my coin, whereupon she branded me a fascist, and I proudly returned her a [b][i]stiff, iron salute[/i][/b]
-Failed a simple prayer ten times in a row on account of being an [b][i]absolute clodpoll[/i][/b]
-Perished miserably because I sought to pet a crab, and the nipper snipped off my index finger with its claw
(Yet I returned from the grave, cast "Speak with Animals", and the crab and I [b][i]clattered our claws together in merry fellowship[/i][/b] )
-Slayed a skeletal warrior by locking it in a [b][i]desperate, bone-crushing embrace[/i][/b] (whilst a goblin kicked its ribs from the flank)
-A grand sphinx attempted to convey a riddle via a sending stone, yet her verses exceeded the thirty-word decree (I divined the answer regardless)
-Attempting to [b][i]rizz a communist maiden[/i][/b] , I swore that my [b][i]dear mum[/i][/b] (a renowned democrat) was in truth an [b][i]undercover fascist[/i][/b]
-Agreed with an ancient arch-lich that the demise of an elven maiden is a [b][i]tragedy[/i][/b], whereas the death of a male elf is [b][i]meh[/i][/b]
-Discovered a warped, curled blade and compelled it to straighten by deceptively swearing that I was a knight most selfless and kind
-Tricked a hearth-demon into believing I was a Lord of the Elementals by [b][i]thrusting my bare hand into the coals and enduring the blaze like a stoic[/i][/b]
-Conned a forbidden tome containing a guide on how to [b][i]"invoke ultimate sensations of the flesh"[/i][/b]
-Quaffed a potion of [b][i]gender-transformation[/i][/b], yet the brew was foul and spoiled; hence, naught changed save for my voice, which turned into a high-pitched squeak
-Discussed the finer points of [b][i]feminism[/i][/b] with the severed, undead head of a lich
-Bargained with [b][i]Death[/i][/b] itself and persuaded the Reaper to spare me by sheer force of [b][i]my rizz[/i][/b]
-Dispelled a freezing hex by bestowing a [b][i]passionate, hot embrace upon a mushroom[/i][/b]
-Lost hp after some peasant dared ask if I was in a relationship with a lady (or a lord)
-Listened to a [b][i]millennium-old snail-mage cackling merrily at the very concept of democracy[/i][/b]
-Confronted an ancient, thousands-of-years-old eldritch horror and demanded to see the license for his pool, to which the fiend replied it would be ready in five to seven business days (The abomination also enlightened me on the [b][i]lore of memes[/i][/b])
-Witnessed a pack of sewer rats fiercely debating the nuances of [b][i]fascism and prostitution[/i][/b]
-Proved my worth to a suspicious apothecary that I deserved his strongest potions by [b][i]violently bashing my own skull against a stone wall[/i][/b] several times
-Met my Creator and He revealed unto me that [b][i]nationalism doth not equal fascism[/i][/b]
-Secured three dates: [spoiler]with an angelic deity, an orcish freestrider, and a bugbear warlord all at once[/spoiler]
-And finally, I unlocked the [b][i]ultimate truth of the cosmos[/i][/b]:
[h1]EVERYTHING in this godforsaken world is a bloody FIFTY-FIFTY.[/h1]
It is truly a game of games.
