Anyway, guys. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ installed Dota 2. I think it's a free game, millions of players, ratings, esports, the "legendary MOBA", what could possibly go wrong there? And then my personal hell begins.
I went through this unfinished training, where they kindly show you how to beat creeps and walk on the map. I'm like, "Okay, it's clear, what are you whining about, it doesn't seem difficult." I'm going to my first real skating rink. And from the very first seconds I understand that I made a mistake in my life.
In the first minute, my teammate screams into the microphone: "WHAT ARE YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DOING? THIS IS MY LINE!" And I, a naive clown, just walked where the arrow pointed. After 3 minutes, I had already died twice, received a ton of hate in the chat and some mysterious word "reporter". And I didn't even understand who I was supposed to report on or why—this is my first ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ time playing!
I get killed every time I step out of the fountain. The skills are kind of incomprehensible, the map looks like a battlefield from a nightmare, where every herb is a potential trap. I press the buttons and nothing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ happens. Enemies fly, disappear, become, set on fire. WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥ IS GOING ON?!?!
And also the teammates. Oh my god. It's just a menagerie. One stands in the woods for the entire match and farms, the other stupidly runs into five enemies shouting "for the motherland", the third seems to be normal, but after 10 minutes he writes: "that's it, I'm down, you're down." And I was alone, poor, sweaty, with trembling hands, and with the feeling that I hadn't played a game, but had been to hell for an interview.
I wanted to relax. Just play the match, understand the mechanics. He suffered psychological trauma, three strokes and a desire to rethink his whole life. But what's scary is that you launch the next one. Because somewhere deep inside, a thought arises.: "What if it goes better this time?"
Shortly Dota 2 is not a game. It's a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Satanic rite wrapped in beautiful graphics and the promise of "fun." If you have weak nerves, no desire to communicate with toxic degenerates, and you are not ready for pain, run before it's too late.
