Colony Simulator: A Dumpster Fire You Can’t Look Away From
Alright, so Colony Simulator drops you into a wasteland with a bunch of settlers who apparently have never seen food before and possess the survival instincts of a wet paper towel. Your job? Keep them alive. Will you? Absolutely not.
You start off thinking, “This’ll be fun, I’ll build some houses, plant some crops, maybe fight off some raiders.” Fast-forward a few hours, and your colony is a mess. Half your people are starving, the other half are having mental breakdowns because Greg stubbed his toe, and the one guy you trusted to chop wood has decided trees are beneath him.
The combat system is a joke. When bandits show up, your settlers rush out to fight wearing nothing but their work boots and misplaced confidence. You could arm them, but let’s be real—giving them swords just means they die slower. And don’t even get me started on the farming system. You plan crops? Cool. Except your settlers forget to water them, a heatwave fries them, or a rogue squirrel wanders in and eats your entire food supply while everyone stares in horror.
Graphically, it’s fine. The best part is watching your settlers wander aimlessly before collapsing from exhaustion like tragic little Sims rejects. The soundtrack is chill at first, but after the tenth starvation notification, it starts to feel like mockery.
Final verdict? 10/10 for absolute chaos.
Improvements: better path finding, colonists to feed them selves, a minimap, armor sets, better cohesive inventory management, a work schedule/sleep schedule be nice, harder enemies, work priorities, gear/armor, more options with the trader, objectives past 200 food 200 wood, some type of game lore, etc. It's free, and I played way too much for the little content. Fun fun concept, has that sims feel to it a bit. Or maybe it's Rimworld, idk. It's free gosh darn it.
