BloodRayne 2 (Legacy)

[h1]Ryan George Style Pitch Meeting:[/h1] Publisher: So, you have an acrobatic-goth-acupuncture simulator for me? Game Designer: Yes, sir, I do! It's called BloodRayne 2! Publisher: Bloody rain? Wow, that sounds like awful weather. Do people need to carry special heavy-duty umbrellas just to walk to the grocery store? Is the whole game just finding shelter from precipitation? Game Designer: (Facepalms) No, sir, her name is Rayne. It's a pun. Publisher: Oh! Like the Slayer song! Just raining red liquid from the sky! Game Designer: Well, funnily enough, she actually is a vampire slayer, so— (Suddenly, the pitch room door is kicked open so hard it flies off the hinges) Blade: Did some daywalker just say 'vampire slayer'? Because I own the copyright on the stoic leather-trench-coat aesthetic. Buffy: Uh, excuse me? I'm the Chosen One. Right, guys? Xander: Yup! Willow: Magically confirmed! Van Helsing: Amateurs. I have the wide-brimmed hat and the vintage crossbow to prove my absolute seniority in this department! (A massive gothic choir suddenly starts chanting in the background as a huge crowd of people with whips and capes shuffles into the room) Simon Belmont: Whip check! Richter Belmont: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world! Alucard (Castlevania): What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! Soma Cruz: I'm just here to politely borrow some cool new abilities from the castle! Shanoa: I am the morning sun! Charlotte: Jonathan, please remember to exploit the enemy's elemental weaknesses before rushing in! Jonathan: Yeah, yeah, I know, Charlotte! Just let me hit them with the Vampire Killer! Lucy: (Hacking the pitch room's smartboard) Did someone say high-tech wire acrobatics? Because I can reroute this entire building's mainframe right now. Rebecca: Listen up, chooms! If this Rayne girl ain't bringing a shotgun the size of a minivan to the fight, I don't wanna hear about it! Let's get loud! Alucard (Hellsing): Wait, hold on. You're Alucard? I'm Alucard! This is getting terribly confusing. How many anagrams of Dracula are in this room? Seras Victoria: Master, should I use the anti-tank cannon for this pitch meeting, or should I just jump really far? Integra Hellsing: The Hellsing Organization demands absolute jurisdiction over all vampire-related incidents in this corporate facility! Stand down! Alexander Anderson: AMEN! I brought unlimited bayonets to this completely peaceful gathering! Walter: I brought some high-tensile razor wires to match the young lady's aesthetic. I am a very supportive butler. Blade: If she isn't wearing tactical sunglasses at night, she's doing it completely wrong. Buffy: Wait, does she at least use wooden stakes? Tell me there's staking! It's a classic for a reason! Van Helsing: Does she have a rapid-fire gas-powered crossbow? Because that is the established industry standard! Simon Belmont: You kids and your fancy arm-blades! Back in my day, we just whipped the local poultry out of the castle walls! Rebecca: Chooms, I'm telling you, if she ain't dual-wielding massive cannons, I'm leaving this corporate gig right now! Seras Victoria: Oh, she does dual-wield, miss! And she sips fruit-punch just like me! We have so much in common! Alucard (Castlevania): I can turn into a bat. Can she turn into a bat? It is an incredibly dramatic way to exit a room. Publisher: Well, okay then. Are all these people going to be in the game? Game Designer: Nope! They're just aggressively passing through to establish genre dominance! Publisher: Fair enough. So, what exactly is this Rayne character doing in the modern era? Game Designer: Well, she's trying to stop her evil half-siblings from running a massive underground society. They are the worst. Publisher: Ooooh, stopping a family society is tight! But getting an acrobatic dhampir around a modern city must be incredibly difficult. Game Designer: Actually, it's super easy, barely an inconvenience! Publisher: Oh, really? Game Designer: Yeah, we just let her slide down handrails, staircases, and telephone wires using the giant blades permanently strapped to her arms! Publisher: Oh my god. Game Designer: Exactly! She just grinds on rails like a professional skateboarder, but with sharp metal! So the extreme-sports-goth-aesthetic can happen. Publisher: A very 2000s aesthetic! But if she has giant blades permanently attached to her forearms, how does she open doors or use a cell phone? Game Designer: Hey, shut up! Publisher: That works. So how does she deal with the society members? Game Designer: She has this really cool harpoon on a chain! She can fling enemies into environmental hazards like giant fans, fireplaces, and garbage trucks! Publisher: What if the enemies just move out of the way of the slow-moving environmental hazards? Game Designer: Oh, they mostly just stand there politely and wait to be yeeted into the scenery. Publisher: Very considerate! Game Designer: It really is! And to regain her health, she leaps onto their shoulders, wraps her legs around them, and sips their fruit-punch-essence! Publisher: Wait, if she is a creature of the night who hates the sun, how does she fight them during the day? Surely she can't just walk outside in a modern city. Game Designer: Whoops! Publisher: Whoopsie! Game Designer: Yeah, I didn't think of that. So we just have the villains conveniently build a massive machine that completely blocks out the sun over the entire city! Publisher: Why would a secret society draw that much international attention to themselves by turning off the sun? Game Designer: I don't know! Because! That's what we're going with! Publisher: Wow wow wow. Wow. Game Designer: She also has magical guns powered by her own fruit-punch-essence that shoot teeth at people. Publisher: What? Game Designer: What? Publisher: Well okay then! Game Designer: Great! And she can enter a mode where time slows down, allowing her to gracefully tuck everyone into bed for a permanent nap! Publisher: Well, I think an acrobatic goth fighting her siblings with a harpoon while sliding down telephone wires is going to be a huge hit! Game Designer: It really is! I can't wait for everyone to master the rail-grinding mechanics whilst simping for Rayne! [hr] [h1]Ai Fairuz - Onegai Muscle (How Heavy Are the Dumbbells You Lift? (Opening 1 Parody[/h1] source: https://www.animesonglyrics.com/dumbbell-nan-kilo-moteru/onegai-muscle https://youtu.be/ijCRlmxUleI Please Rayne, I really want to be your footstool! Please Rayne, step on me with your stiletto! (YES!) Please Rayne, because I really want to be your footstool! Oh (She’s stepping!) Ha (She’s crushing!) I want Mommy—I mean Rayne! Straddle kill! Neck bite! (Your latex corset is fighting for its life!) Harpoon yank! Rail grind! (Your gothic boots are stepping on my heart!) Blade spin! Thigh crush! (Your aggressive hugs are all I need!) (Tuck me in! Tuck me in!) (Let's go to the vampire nightclub!) If you want your ideal goth, bark respectfully now! (Woof, Dhampir!) If you want to make your dream a reality, volunteer as a cultist! (Nice Leather!) Don't worry, the fruit-punch loss makes you dizzy, but soon you will adjust. (So Alluring!) Do 10 flips, spin around, wrap your legs, squeeze! (Nice Thighs!) Though my neck is sometimes punctured, I want a goth awakening. To the glorious Laura Bailey voice acting, Look! (Step!) Please! (Step!) (Step! Step on me!) Please Rayne, I really want to be your footstool! Please Rayne, step on me with your stiletto! (YES!) Please Rayne, because I really want to be your footstool! Oh (She’s stepping!) Ha (She’s crushing!) I want Mommy—I mean Rayne! Aura vision! Pole swing! (Look at your intimidating acrobatics!) Back press! Harpoon yank! (Look at your physics-defying 2000's jiggle mechanics!) Bend over! Fruit-punch sip! (Look at your ungodly red hair!) (Bite me! Bite me!) (You're beautiful when ruining my health bar!)