Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful
sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a
terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful
prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower
for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek
Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can
do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now
Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew
your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,
back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.
Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25
pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.
You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.
Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five
shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you
got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,
go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You
boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I
love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He
can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house
fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!
Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under
arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I
say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you
talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there
with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There
was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom
with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey
wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.
Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't
mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you
definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!
Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of
my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one
here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have
free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend
would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!
I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?
-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I
like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like
that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like
that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's
amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,
you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have
in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they
won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can
I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't
how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick
together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,
what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in
the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I
don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good
night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all
alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well
James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got
you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are
you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to
put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I
have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get
out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not
there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced
to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me.
-Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get
comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right
now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right.
That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city
adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about
singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk.
Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not
a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now
tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has
reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's
hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man.
-Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man.
-The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well
then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror,
mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a
king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can
become one.
SHREK
